Tempestuous ;;

and when she speaks

Friday, November 13, 2009

SO take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances.

You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.

Don't be afraid to take chances and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

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1:46 PM;;

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

My favourite patient clasped my hands tight in his today and held it there for a couple of long seconds and gave me the biggest smile his lips could curve into.

I love him so much. He's an old grandpa; who would hold his IV pole and zip up and down the corridors, just getting his daily exercise- in his warm pair of socks and pyjama shorts.

It's so cute. Initially he was here only for chemotherapy; but then developed acute renal failure as a complication- and it was so torturous for the poor ol' man just waiting for his MTX level to fall below the desired number. Everyday, I would wait excitedly in anticipation to check that number out. Sometimes, it was frustrating for him especially; when it'd rock back and forth and fluctuate... BUT-

He finally went home today, after about 2.5 weeks of inhospital stay... :)

I will miss his adorable smile :) He was one of the patients I looked forward to seeing for rounds every morning.

My other patient is someone genuinely really really nice. And the sad fact is he is just a few years older than I am, but with a disease that holds very grim prognosis.

He has a very rare type of cancer that has spread throughout his body. His belly is getting more and more distended. His penis, scrotum and legs are markedly swollen from bulky retroperitoneal lymphadenopathy from the cancer spread.

He asked this morning an innocent question, so hopeful, 'Can you operate and remove the cancer so I can feel better?'

Unfortunately, the truth is with his very rare type of cancer, my doctor has pretty much exhausted various types of chemotherapeutic agents- even using drugs currently on clinical trials, all with failed results.

He started crying today. Almost giving up, like a baby, devoid of control.
The tears flowed down , in front of 5 of us standing there in his room.

The saddest thing was this morning he was happily on the phone with his young fiance.
And afterwards, I had to have the code status discussion with him where you ask if he wants to have CPR done if he goes into cardiorespiratory failure, all done in anticipation of the worst and possible outcome in the near future.

Seeing him change from so joyful one moment to heartbroken and dejected and hopeless- it really breaks your heart.

Sometimes you wonder where is the justice?
And how you can go on living the best you can in your limited time without all the anger and blame and sorrow?

her
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2:42 AM;;

Monday, November 09, 2009

There- no more emotional hot pot ;)

Things get much clearer when your head over-rules your heart :)
Anyway, my senior Kevin; he's a pretty cool guy.
And he gossips like a girl- *hahaha* that's why we get along so well.

I'm glad I'm working with him; cos he's really laidback and easygoing. 'As long as we get the work done' --- I couldn't agree more!

The other day, I went to the ACP thing for my poster presentation. The Pri-Med people saw my popping pink poster and asked if that was mine. Fast forward a couple of minutes later, I was interviewed for like 10-15minutes. Guess who was situated next to me? Jose! The senior I worked with for one night on HIV/AIDS -- what a small small world!

I couldn't have done this poster if not for Hilda and Vijai. Vijai was the one who nudged and encouraged me to try this thing out. Hilda was fantastic to work with; and she couldn't have been more supportive :) She wrote me such a sweet message the night before. I have both of them to thank for, for this :) Chalk one up for the resume! :) And my 5 minutes of fame on TV; being interviewed with 2 camera people behind ;)

AND I saw a whole bunch of friends from the County Hospital over at the conference too! :)
A great melting pot of brilliant minds.

Yvonne came over one night for dinner; and we had such a great time catching up at Francessca Forno's and back in the apartment! :)

Carlos came over and we had Bon Bon for brunch; and proceeded to check out the 148 plaques from all over the world at the Tribune Building! That was a feat for me. He is so cultured; I don't know if I can catch up *lol* Then, we went up north for an Ethiopian dinner. And came back overly stuffed :)

Karl, my housemate, has been amazingly helpful- to say the least. Such a gentleman, that I have to give him props. The other night for Halloweens at Kenny's, I was going to come back late, and Karl was nice enough to offer to pick me up with a Zip car, despite coming back past midnight. What am I going to do without my housemate? Of course, I didn't need it, but just the offer itself- he's got a heart of gold :)

Tonight, will be meeting David Park whom I haven't seen for ages!
And then, a sleepover at Jyoti's this weekend.

Thanksgiving next week with Christine's family in the 'burbs.

her
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7:16 AM;;

Saturday, November 07, 2009

It's so weird this feeling inside.

I don't understand why I get so warped when it shouldn't be this way...

I hate dealing with matters of the heart. And I hate getting my feelings involved. Because then it drags my head into it and messes it up too.

I'd like to be great friends with everyone and not have heart strings tugged either way; on either end.

Because that complicates everything from thereon.

her
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9:49 AM;;

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

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6:16 AM;;

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5:35 AM;;

Monday, November 02, 2009

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1:45 PM;;

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1:37 PM;;

Friday, October 30, 2009

This was a week ago, dinner with my HIV/AIDS team at a Nigerian restaurant, Iyanze :) Look at how international we are! Like the United Colors of Benetton! *hehe*
We have representations for the: Chinese, Iranian, Nigerian x 2, Indian, Mexican :) *very colorful indeed* :)

Also,the other day, Christine was wonderful enough to drop me home at dear ol' Wicker Park. She ended up staying, and we got i Cream where you choose your flavors and toppings and they make it there and then for you with LIquid Nitrogen ;) She had her 'pumpkin cheesecake ice cream with graham crackers' and I had my 'cinnamon honey chocolate ice cream with crushed oreos' ;) And then, I bought a carrot cake and another sweet pastry with cinnamon * cream cheese filling! , and we had yummy lamb shawarma for dinner :)

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1:11 AM;;

Yesterday- what a day.

The day before I was post-call; and I couldn't sleep after coming home, and I barely had any sleep the night on call.

Finally, floated into a dream at 9pm. I woke up yesterday morning, really tired and drained and hoping the day would go by quicker.

The Grim Ripper (Reaper?) came yesterday, I announced two patients dead; and one poor guy was told he now has metastatic end-stage Multiple Myeloma.

*brr* it always gives me the chills to pronounce them dead; and inform their family members. The husband of one of the patients; broke down on the phone 'What do I do now? I have never faced this before. Please tell me what do I do now? I don't know...'

I told him to come in to the hospital; and make sure someone is with him. His crying over the phone made me swallow a tear, almost. Just imagine, losing someone to leukemia so quickly, so unexpectedly, and then, waking up the next day, not needing to go to the hospital to see her anymore. Not having her around you anymore, in person. That face, the conversations, the company, the love, the hugs and touch- all now only in memory.

It's hard. And I know, in times like these, it's family who you turn to for continuous emotional and mental support. Family; and close friends.

Carpe diem. Open your heart and open your life.
*muacks*

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1:03 AM;;