welcome

Call me Sueyi.
Call me Sue-Sue.
Call me Sue.
Just don't call me lil fry.

A 19 yr old :

Finding her niche in the passionate world of white coats and stethoscopes.

Missing Malaysian food so badly, that she drowns her sorrow by surfing food blogs.

Who watches scary movies only with friends who have high pain threshold (from all that pinching)

Who has very cold extremities, ask my stimulated patients, oops sorry, "simulated patients"

Who loves a good laugh with candid, thick-skinned friends

Who cannot stay surrounded by 4 walls for more than a few hours

Who loves her loved ones so so much


:)

shout outs



endless wishes

char siew bao.

blueberry muffins.

hot Milo and crackers.

a neverending supply of Daddy's socks.

Bear hugs. Warm kisses. Lots of Love.

My own beach chalet.

Bubble baths.

Shining sun and rainbows.

Sexy stilettos.

Dancing.

Me

I wear socks.Even with heels.

I play with my earlobes.

I have a Mongolian mole.

My family means the world to me. "Family means no one gets left behind"

I like cheekiness. You cheeky, me cheeky.

I heart my close friends, the ones who know me in and out, the ones who've grown with me.

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and when she speaks

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Luther Vandross : Dance with my (Grand)father

"If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my grandfather again "

I fell asleep at 7pm tonight. Both my housemates were insistent I go to bed early tonight and one said I was burnt out.

I played this song and it fell on repeat. And the next thing I knew, under the duvet covers, a tear rolled down my side cheek... and thoughts strayed onto him...

I hadn't thought about him for awhile now.

Images of him flashed back.

When he cried on his wheelchair that morning in the airport saying goodbye to me, before I left back to Canada. I couldn't bear to pull apart from the hug I gave him when I saw his tears streaming. Instinctively, I knew why he cried. And that made it so much harder for me to let go.

The tears and cries the day his cortege left our house.

His room right outside our piano, where we four would gather and sing along to Syeyi's piano-playing every night after dinner... and he'd sit there watching us, listening attentively despite poor hearing... and laugh entertainingly. The songs we performed were always for him. To keep him occupied with music, instead of intrusive, disturbing thoughts about passing and death.

His love for X.O. alcohol. LoL. How we'd always find one new bottle of that in his room, cleverly hidden.

His natural authority with Johnny, our albino pekingese doggie ;)

The memory of him being put on the phone whilst I was urgently rushing back from the airport to the hospital and he was fast fading away... *damn the KL traffic jam*

I know, he waited for me. I flew home within a day of deciding- after he wouldn't slip away despite doctors' predictions... they said he might be waiting for something or someone. And so, I had to do what I was supposed to do. He was pronounced dead upon my arrival.

And I remember the image of mummy crying painfully by the bedside. And how my heart broke there and then. And my whispers into his ears that 'Ah Sue was home- your granddaughter who is going to be a doctor is home-for you' - but there wasn't any reaction.

I don't know why I am writing this... but I guess it was the song that evoked the memories and I just went on thinking how different it'd be when I'm home this time; he won't be there- for the very first time.

I remember how proud he was of me; telling every cousin who dropped by to visit the same ol' story over and over again. How young I was..How I left home at a tender age and did well.. How smart I was.. How I was going to be a brilliant doctor... He was so proud that I was going to be a doctor; the first in the family tree.

Yiyi told me he asked for me when he was delirious and sick in bed at home a few times...

I think that month was the hardest for me in Canada; being so far away and so uninvolved with his care. And feeling guilty.

I did once tell him to wait for me to graduate before leaving us behind. And he smiled...

Grandpa had the most infectious smile and laughter, I'd say.

In our hearts, you'll always remain.

I love you
"Goodnight gong"

xoxoxo







her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
11:10 AM;;