welcome

Call me Sueyi.
Call me Sue-Sue.
Call me Sue.
Just don't call me lil fry.

A 19 yr old :

Finding her niche in the passionate world of white coats and stethoscopes.

Missing Malaysian food so badly, that she drowns her sorrow by surfing food blogs.

Who watches scary movies only with friends who have high pain threshold (from all that pinching)

Who has very cold extremities, ask my stimulated patients, oops sorry, "simulated patients"

Who loves a good laugh with candid, thick-skinned friends

Who cannot stay surrounded by 4 walls for more than a few hours

Who loves her loved ones so so much


:)

shout outs



endless wishes

char siew bao.

blueberry muffins.

hot Milo and crackers.

a neverending supply of Daddy's socks.

Bear hugs. Warm kisses. Lots of Love.

My own beach chalet.

Bubble baths.

Shining sun and rainbows.

Sexy stilettos.

Dancing.

Me

I wear socks.Even with heels.

I play with my earlobes.

I have a Mongolian mole.

My family means the world to me. "Family means no one gets left behind"

I like cheekiness. You cheeky, me cheeky.

I heart my close friends, the ones who know me in and out, the ones who've grown with me.

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March 1, 2015



and when she speaks

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

You know what I've realised for quite some time now?

I am the most emotional amongst my sisters & I... Somehow, it seems as if it takes the least for me, than them, for my heart strings to be tugged at and cause an outpouring (over-exaggeration) of tears.

Sometimes, it's not good, especially when it comes to funerals ( I know my religious teachers in the hospice will say CHOI CHOI!) ; sad movies ; and especially so when I face patients whom I see are suffering in front of my very own eyes or patients who are living in very dire, hopeless, sad circumstances.

But, in a positive way, I think that's why I'm more compassionate than the average human being.

I feel more easily from their shoes. I feel them- their pain and sufferings; though not in the long-run but even then, just feeling and empathising with them during that short period of time; you really learn to appreciate what you have in your own life; and understand that what you have is a gift you can use for others- your heart and compassion which you can use to help others; even if for a brief fleeting moment.

It makes a difference. Both to the patient and you. You cherish all that you have and realize you're so very lucky. You have luxuries you've always taken for granted before... luxuries only some others who can only dream of with what's left of their fragile life- that is if they can even sleep peacefully at night and dream.

I had never seen a rectal cancer before til today.

He was also a HAKKA grandfather; this old man.

The sight before me; was disgusting in the very least... A huge mountaineous fungating mass growing and as big as the size of my hand (not palm) from his butt hole... which was bloody.

I could only imagine what pain he goes through sitting on his bum; which he rarely does.

Thankfully, his family are a very supportive bunch.

He related the story of his dear loving wife who took care of everything and even reminded him of all his children's birthdays; who sadly passed away from a heart disease just a few months earlier.

Later, I sat next to him... and caught his eyes starting to look moist.

Then, I caught hold of a teardrop which was slowly flowing down from his right eye onto his right cheek down onto his flimsy mattress of bed.

The sight of him; and that tear; triggered a small choke at the back of my throat.
I was fighting to hold my tears back when I saw him silently tearing... whilst in front of us were his daughter, my doctor and nurse chatting about his medications oblivious to what was going on at our side.

I held his right hand and stroked it whilst my left went to grab a tissue paper just beside his bed to wipe the tears welling up in both eyes.

I believe at this point, the other three noticed us.

After I wiped his eyes, he was angry when he answered me sternly and loudly when I asked if he was ok... And I knew; it was his pride talking.

We had changed his urinary catheter; stripped him naked in order to do that and to see his rectal cancer... and it's not easy for him to be exposed like that. Can you imagine being stripped naked and what more for a proud man to let three females clean him up and see him bare?

They'd feel as if their dignity has been snatched away from them. Their dignity and their pride- which is so important for preserving their sense of identity. Where's that gone now?

He then, kept silent after the initial outbust... And I kept calm letting him know that no matter what, we're here to help and support him as best as we can.

And, he asked a few mroe questions. I encouraged him to continue socialising and doing the things he is still able to do... Invite his friends over. Walk around the house.

Being diagnosed with a disease illness does not mean letting your mind, body and soul be controlled by the disease.

Soon came the end of our visit, he shook my hand and thanked me. And I glanced at him one last time; and gave him the most generous smile I could. Just for him.

I can only hope he has the strength and the desire to live as best as he can, despite the very short time left. And realise it's not worth it being bitter; sometimes it's better to just let go and live.

Nobody said it's easy.

That's where hospice people and counsellors step in to help families and patients cope with the ovewhelming negative emotions sometimes.

Carpe diem

her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
12:28 AM;;