welcome

Call me Sueyi.
Call me Sue-Sue.
Call me Sue.
Just don't call me lil fry.

A 19 yr old :

Finding her niche in the passionate world of white coats and stethoscopes.

Missing Malaysian food so badly, that she drowns her sorrow by surfing food blogs.

Who watches scary movies only with friends who have high pain threshold (from all that pinching)

Who has very cold extremities, ask my stimulated patients, oops sorry, "simulated patients"

Who loves a good laugh with candid, thick-skinned friends

Who cannot stay surrounded by 4 walls for more than a few hours

Who loves her loved ones so so much


:)

shout outs



endless wishes

char siew bao.

blueberry muffins.

hot Milo and crackers.

a neverending supply of Daddy's socks.

Bear hugs. Warm kisses. Lots of Love.

My own beach chalet.

Bubble baths.

Shining sun and rainbows.

Sexy stilettos.

Dancing.

Me

I wear socks.Even with heels.

I play with my earlobes.

I have a Mongolian mole.

My family means the world to me. "Family means no one gets left behind"

I like cheekiness. You cheeky, me cheeky.

I heart my close friends, the ones who know me in and out, the ones who've grown with me.

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and when she speaks

Sunday, October 25, 2009

As most of my close friends are aware, I am now working in the hematology/oncology ward where I'm surrounded by patients who are sick with cancer, leukemia or lymphoma.

Some of the things I've seen would have struck a chord with me then, and made me cry. But now, as I've become accustomed to seeing these patients daily, I don't cry as easily, but I empathise more with the loved ones who have someone with cancer.

It's a gorgeous Saturday, despite the cold wind, there are leaves with blazing colors falling down, brightening the misty cold air.

It's meant to be a day to take advantage of. Yet here I am, now in the comfort of my own home, writing my thoughts down after a short day at work.

One of my patients' MRI result came back- and it showed mets all over her brain; and her spine.

I didn't break the news to her. Already, the day she was admitted, she was angry and hurling profanities, and being blatantly rude to anyone and everyone who was to see to her, including me and the other team of doctors. But who can blame her?
Her very exact words the next day I saw her "What will you do if someone told you you only had 6 months left to live?"

What can I say?
I left the breaking bad news to my staff oncologist whom I had worked with before; who is a wonderful guy. And I can only imagine what she is thinking of at this very moment sitting in her hospital room, after being told her cancer had spread all over her brain and her spine.

Sometimes when caring and dealing with all these issues upfront, especially when it's grim prognostically and death is constantly around the corner, I find it easier to manage when I don't dwell on them. Or it really does affect you.

The thing I try to do though is to take the good out of it, and it always serves as a good reminder to never take your health for granted, and equally as important if not more, to always show the people around you how much they mean to you, and that you appreciate them just being there.

Tope yesterday said to me "Life is not always a marathon. Don't run and burn yourself out" which I thought was a great analogy to reminding me to take good care of myself :)

Another patient of mine, an 84 year old guy battling lymphoma and cancer, was in so much pain, that everytime you touch him, his face grimaces in pain. But he can barely move, he is just lying there limp and almost lifeless. I almost wish for him to go quickly, after seeing all his loved ones- just so he can escape the pain and sufferings. He developed severe mucositis to the extent when he opens his mouth, all these black plaques eroding his oral mucosa and all over his oropharynx is nearly causing partial obstruction. He's in so much agony from the mucositis. I just cannot fathom what he is going through, but I know how much pain he is in, yet he can barely express the pain other than the facial expression and fear you see in his eyes when he does open them.

Finally, he is made comfort care this morning. Which means making sure he is comfortable and in as little pain as possible, with medications.

Seeing his daughter by his bedside, just knitting at times, at other times I'm sure when the door is closed, talking and keeping him company, I know what she is going through. Because my mum went through the same thing, keeping my grandfather company.

Really, when you are stripped bare, the only things that matter are the people who surround your life. The dear ones who are there for you because you mean something to them.

To my family and friends; I hope you know you are dearly cherished
And that every moments spent with you guys, I have never forgotten. Especially if you've made me laugh, been there for me, made me cry (not on purpose), made me scream/shout, made me jump with joy- made me feel whole and human.

I never forget.
Lots of love, and for always

- Had a great time with Christine, took her around exploring Wicker Park. She absolutely loved it and said it reminded her of her all time favourite place; NYC! And that's a great compliment; if it's comparable to NYC ;P We had pastries from Artemio's bakery, dinner at Bon Bon and bubble tea :) We sat out in my balcony and laughed away heartily

-It was Hilda's birthday yesterday, although I was post-call; she told me over the phone 'Sueyi, it's my birthday' all of a sudden. And she almost forgot about her own big day. So I set my alarm despite only 3 hours of sleep in close of 40 hours, and walked over to get some yummy pastries- and hopped onto a bus over to her place. We ate, talked, laughed and bonded. And I slept over too. Woke up for work together, and met up for lunch at her hospital :)

-Mariam, called me on my call night, making sure I was doing ok. Call nights on the oncology wards are brutal. And hard-core. And taxing on the mind and body to say the least. I survived mine :) And it was so nice of her to text me, and call me too :) *thank you*

-Carlos and I have planned to meet up *finally* we have decided on a day that will work out - so, Ethiopian food next month! :)

-Sai, being the cheeky devil that she is, is hooking me up for a blind date with a colleague of hers who is a surgery intern in Michigan this Halloween weekend. So, we're going to double-date. Will see how that one goes ;)

Til then, I hope everyone (if there's anyone reading this at all *lol*)is doing well :)

her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
2:19 AM;;