welcome

Call me Sueyi.
Call me Sue-Sue.
Call me Sue.
Just don't call me lil fry.

A 19 yr old :

Finding her niche in the passionate world of white coats and stethoscopes.

Missing Malaysian food so badly, that she drowns her sorrow by surfing food blogs.

Who watches scary movies only with friends who have high pain threshold (from all that pinching)

Who has very cold extremities, ask my stimulated patients, oops sorry, "simulated patients"

Who loves a good laugh with candid, thick-skinned friends

Who cannot stay surrounded by 4 walls for more than a few hours

Who loves her loved ones so so much


:)

shout outs



endless wishes

char siew bao.

blueberry muffins.

hot Milo and crackers.

a neverending supply of Daddy's socks.

Bear hugs. Warm kisses. Lots of Love.

My own beach chalet.

Bubble baths.

Shining sun and rainbows.

Sexy stilettos.

Dancing.

Me

I wear socks.Even with heels.

I play with my earlobes.

I have a Mongolian mole.

My family means the world to me. "Family means no one gets left behind"

I like cheekiness. You cheeky, me cheeky.

I heart my close friends, the ones who know me in and out, the ones who've grown with me.

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and when she speaks

Sunday, October 03, 2010

A few days ago, our hospital was shattered emotionally with news that one of our colleagues, from my year of doctors- and a friend of mine whom I had recently worked with - had passed away. He committed suicide.

How he died- they did not share that with us.

But this was most unexpected. He had the whole world going for him. All his friends loved him. He was caring, charismatic, loving, always had his pager on even at home and his patients loved him because he was so caring, so warm--- he was confident, outgoing, personable, well-liked- and looked like he had it all together. Family and friends all loved him. I barely worked with him for a whole month, and we were exchanging smileys on text and he'd be texting me funny patient cases on my days off when I wasn't at work- that was how friendly and open he was.

He was there for me, for support when I needed it at work. He gave me advice, we'd share hugs for each other when we were overworked and stressed out.

He was so generous with his warmth and compassion and kind heart- to all his friends, to everyone.. He 'd openly say 'Aww, come here' and throw his arms around you and give you a big bear hug... He presented for grand rounds (this massive presentation where tonnes of doctors come) and ended this presentation with a picture of him and his gay partner in front of the tallest tree in the world, and we all laughed.

He was going to work with terminally ill patients, dying patients- and go into Palliative care - where priority is comfort for those patients. He was going to give his whole life and devote it to those sick patients. And to think, how ironic- that was why none of us could comprehend how he could have done such a thing- to leave all those who cared for him behind- the very opposite of a selfless act; what threw him off the edge? what was he thinking before he did it... I cannot comprehend. why couldn't he reach out for help like the way his patients reached out to him? what was so hard about doing that?

We all broke down crying when we heard the news. It was so unreal, yet it was real. Our own friend. What's so scary- is that we always think it'd never happen to our friends, especially when they seem so normal to you and look like they have no issues.
My program director told us yeserday 'males have a higher success rate in committing suicide'' and "doctors have the highest success rate because they know how to do it and get it done"

And the message that they were so desperate in trying to get across was that they 'desperately care for all of us' and wanted us all to seek help if we needed it, to reach out for the available support systems within the hospital...our chief of mdicine that old man I was telling u about said this; " we all love you very much. but you guys think its just a phrase. Its not. We really do love you all' and to that last statement, I couldn't hold back the emotions anymore. he broke down, all the chiefs broke down too.The atmosphere in the hall was so melancholic, so heart-wrenching. we all lost a friend, an amazing doctor who was amazing with his patients.

How real it felt. how unimaginable it was. just a few days we had him with us, and now he was gone.

Its so frightening and scary how this is actually more common than it is. After work yesterday, I went for a career talk at a restaurant where i bumped into more doctors, and we all shared hugs, and shared a silent understanding o f how thankful we were to have each other and a solid support group.

I feel, in medicine in particular, the notion of appreciating people around you is always there in your face. when you see your patients die in front of your eyes, when you see their loved ones always there in their room sacrificing all semblance of a normal life just to be there by their side, when you see people you care for slip away, both physically or into a world where their mental status is no more cognizant... it makes you grasp at life even stronger- and in a way, its bad (for me,in sacrificing sleep to be with people or obliging people) but Im also always questioning what I do.

Our chief told us yesterday never feel guilty. because none of us saw this coming, none of us could have stopped this.

Life is so precious.


Life is so precious,
And each day is a gift.
So enjoy every minute,
As it were your last to live.

Cherish your loved ones,
Hug them tight,
Share with them your heart,
And your time.

Nothing is forever,
And life goes so fast,
Each minute that passes,
Is one you can’t get back.

When troubles arrive,
And knock you off your feet,
Stand up and smile,
And remember life is too sweet.

Every morning when you wake,
Decide right from the start,
That “Today will be a good day”
And let it all in with an open heart.

My patients are fighting for their lives, battling an illness that they never asked for (cancer) ---- and seeing them makes me appreciate what I have everyday

Lots of love, always
Sueyi

-so cliche- but
Cherish those around you and let them know you appreciate them and that you're there for them

Rest in Peace, my dear friend.

her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
11:50 PM;;