welcome

Call me Sueyi.
Call me Sue-Sue.
Call me Sue.
Just don't call me lil fry.

A 19 yr old :

Finding her niche in the passionate world of white coats and stethoscopes.

Missing Malaysian food so badly, that she drowns her sorrow by surfing food blogs.

Who watches scary movies only with friends who have high pain threshold (from all that pinching)

Who has very cold extremities, ask my stimulated patients, oops sorry, "simulated patients"

Who loves a good laugh with candid, thick-skinned friends

Who cannot stay surrounded by 4 walls for more than a few hours

Who loves her loved ones so so much


:)

shout outs



endless wishes

char siew bao.

blueberry muffins.

hot Milo and crackers.

a neverending supply of Daddy's socks.

Bear hugs. Warm kisses. Lots of Love.

My own beach chalet.

Bubble baths.

Shining sun and rainbows.

Sexy stilettos.

Dancing.

Me

I wear socks.Even with heels.

I play with my earlobes.

I have a Mongolian mole.

My family means the world to me. "Family means no one gets left behind"

I like cheekiness. You cheeky, me cheeky.

I heart my close friends, the ones who know me in and out, the ones who've grown with me.

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and when she speaks

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Yesterday's call was fun.

Too much food. and celebrating in the ICU. Lots of visitors from the medicine floors came down, and brought even more goodies. You name it, I had every possible dessert last night: blueberry crumble, red velvet cupcakes, chocolate cake, tres leche cake, christmas cookies and lots of the nurses brought a variety of exotic yummies :) My intern and I were pigging out with the rest of the unit nurses and docs!

The camaraderie in the entire hospital is what I love most about my job. The people I'm surrounded by. The support we have for each other, the social rounds we do when we pop over into our colleague's wards and say HI- although its located at the other end of the hospital. I love it when my friends drop by (cos for us, we're not allowed to leave the ICU when we're on call)!

Onto a more serious note, it's the season for giving. And thats exactly what a dearest big brother said to me when he found out we're on call on Christmas eve. Serving people the best way we can, is the true meaning of Christmas. There is a patient in the unit, who is only in his 40s, who recently had chemotherapy, and became severely neutropenic and his course was complicated by sepsis. When he arrived a few days ago, we thought he would not make it, and code status discussion was urgently initiated- but the family was not and has not been ready to make the decision to let go on more aggressive measures.

His girlfriend especially has not been able to come to terms with the gravity of it all, not ready to let go. And no one can imagine how that feels unless you've been in her position. I saw her walking down the hallway, crying with tissues in her hands last night, on Christmas eve- what is supposed to be a nice night in with the family/friends for a lovely christmas dinner- but instead, a night wrecked with anxiety in the hospital whilst they camp in the visitors lounge outside with thin blankets, wondering if he'll make it through the night. It's a daily struggle to stay alive for him. But what was amazing, was we managed to wean him off all three pressors, and he sustained his blood pressure just fine last night. In the words his nurse put, it was almost 'miraculous'. Maybe the red man had something to do with this. Only he knows. But hopefully, he'll make a turn for the better.

I tried thinking of her; his girlfriend. How acutely this all happened. I'm sure the time his diagnosis of malignancy was made til this event- everything must have just seemed like it had happened in a flash of time, a whirlwind right before her very eyes. When your loved one is no more the functional, decisional person you know- just lying there in that bed, immobilised, with tubes and lines all over, and you're losing him every moment, life becomes a blur. I cannot imagine how she was feeling, and I was scared to imagine being in her shoes. How I would have coped with it. If something were to happen, god, I cannot even envision- losing someone you love so much, someone you had hoped to spend the rest of your life with, or someone you were just doing normal ordinary things with a few months ago like watching a nice movie together on a Friday night in, now fighting to make each day...

And knowing that if this battle were lost, it would be permanent.

I stopped myself. I know why I'm in this line. I also know the human spirit can show so much courage and strength when its called for. And this I have had countless patients and families show me, and inspire me. It's funny how I believe the relationship we doctors have with our patients- its a symbiotic one. We do our best to help them, but their positive attitude, their resilience and coping mechanisms never fail to remind me just how strong people can be. The things some of my patients have been through, and their outlook on life and the way they face adversity, makes me realise how life really is a gift, and that we hold the key to making everyday count and living each day to its fullest... that those small things you had been fretting about just isn't even worth it, when you think about what really matters most. You start reassessing your life's priorities and know what means most to you.

And for me, that is my family and my closest friends who have been there for me, through thick and thin, and the dreams that I have of being a better person. If you don't have people to share your life's joys or the money you make, then there is no point. I know how thankful I am to have them by my side no matter what, and this Christmas, I just want to say a big heartfelt thank you for being there for me.

Especially to the Chicago friends who have stayed supportive during my downs and who have been there to celebrate my happiest moments. Thank you from the core of me.

Love always
Sueyi

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