In the two months here (July/August)- I've made some really good girl friends. Girl friends whom I know have my backs and are my eating/listening/ranting/walking buddies =) They've been amazing :)
Girls with genuine hearts and are down-to-earth (like me =)), not ostentatious, with similar interests ie FOOD! :) Together, we've explored quite a few great chomps around town :) and I'm grateful to have them here with me, during my first two months here in this new city.
Alongside, of course, my best friends all over the world- whom have kept me company via Skype whilst I'm at home typing away furiously at my clinic notes, reading up on all the different types/stages of cancer and their respective management and chemotherapy drug trials, or just giving me the right amount of distraction I need ;) I think I'm lucky- because I do meet good people along the way.
Some of may think I am naive, especially my best friend- but of course I'm wary.
This world has so much cynicism, that sometimes I think a little bit of naivete, innocence and just having a pure clean soul- is refreshing, you know? Maybe that's what the world needs more of...
Expectations. No matter how you prepare yourself mentally, you still see things that you never thought of.
*Like a 27 year old beautiful woman, who has metastatic colon cancer.
*Like the late 30 something year old woman diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and on repeat scan after having her pancreas removed, the cancer has spread (within 2-4 weeks)- with her breaking down, and her husband not connecting two-and-two together, asking about fertility treatments instead to conceive a baby. And all this whilst the prognosis for metastatic pancreatic cancer- is only months. Usually 3-6 months.
*Like the 50 year old humorous, energetic, vibrant young man with brain cancer- that has progressed and is causing personality changes, agitation at home- whilst his wife quietly takes it in, and puts on a brave, supportive front -
In our clinic, which I just realized, it is almost a taboo to say that a patient is "so nice"- because they say the worst things happen to the nicest people... that's why they "shush" you when you say things like that.
I have met countless people who cringe and ask me why ? Why did I choose oncology?
It's morbid. Sometimes heartbreaking, depressing- but you can truly make a difference. Albeit a bit. Even if it means some improvement in quality of life. Or emotional support. And every LITTLE BIT counts. And I want to be the person who plays that role, because I know I can - do just that.
I've started inpatient oncology. One month. WISH me luck.
I call it my "dieting" month, because I should expect weight loss by the end of this :P