and when she speaks
Saturday, February 23, 2008
"When you're in your darkest hour, And all of the light just fades away, When you're like a single flower whose colours have turned to shades of gray, Well hang on, and be strong, No you're not defeated And soon you'll be smiling once again" It's hard to gain the trust of your psychiatric patients...They aren't like the normal patients at all, they don't have insight and they don't have judgement.They don't listen to the advice you're giving them and sometimes, just walk away... it makes me feel anept sometimes.But today, I succeeded in getting this one patient to finally be herself around me- this bipolar patient of mine, who would just walk away from conversations half the time.Nurses were overworked, the department was short-staffed.So I volunteered to walk my psych patient out for 15 minutes. She's in her depressive swing right now and all she wants to do is go out for a walk. I thought since she's interested in going for a walk, that's one thing we should try and fulfil...at least you can safely scrape off anhedonia (lack of pleasure from activities) off the depression criteria list.My doctor was hesitant and asked 'Would you be able to carry her if she fell?'. My patient is an old woman who fell twice yesterday on the ice and hit her head on the pavement.I re-assured him I wouldn't go to a slippery place.So off I went to approach her and let her know that I would be keeping her company,that she's able to go out for that walk she so desperately wants.She quickly went to get her coat..and a nurse came looking for me, saying '...She's already waiting for you outside'!So, we walked and talked. And I think, she opened herself up and I had the perfect opportunity to *quish* all her previous thoughts of 'suicide' earlier on. The walk went very well. She made a promise, no more thoughts of 'giving up'. ---The hardest part in life, I feel, is coming to terms with your own forthcoming mortality.
A patient of mine today, was referred to us, for psychiatric evaluation for suicidal ideations.
History-wise, his brain tumor came back even after resecting a piece of his brain.
His wife was interviewed separately and broke down into tears, saying he was 'depressed'.
She was hoping we could be his avenue to "vent" out his anger, fears and frustrations...because he is at home 24/7, throwing tantrums, raising his voice and shouting at his children and wife... He's not able to drive and work, because they took away his license for fear of seizures. It's understandable why he feels like this. He doesn't know how to cope with the diagnosis. He knows he's going to die... his thoughts are all on his family, his inability to be there for his wife and kids...
She, on the other hand, has to work, handle the children, and worry for the worst- the possible mortality of her dear husband and the future of facing a life without a life/love partner. And yet, she comes home everyday, hiding her very own fears & keeping a strong front, whilst bearing the burden of his verbal abuse daily and at the same time, being his support pillar.
It's not easy...and I don't know how to help...
But my heart goes out to their family and I hope they pull through this together-with lots of love and support.
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10:31 AM;;
Friday, February 22, 2008
Psych is... interesting.Thank goodness for Matt for letting me hitch a ride with him. So, me and Jackie keep him company everyday ;) and make a heck of a raucous din in the car with both of them typically "f***ing" everything that goes wrong! *laughs* But it makes my morning.So far, one patient has been making death threats to my doctor saying on my very first day there to my doctor, 'Im going to f***ing sever your neck'... and he paces up and down the hallway, searching for my doctor to appear... Today, I don't know how he managed to do it, but he escaped... the police found him in his mother's house!Seriously, I have a pack of keys for the madhouse I'm in. Literally everything needs a key. To get into the elevator.To get into the toilet even!Another patient, without any warning signs, just randomly grabbed and pulled out a bunch of hair from a fellow patient *ouchie*And a fellow depressed patient almost drove me up the wall, taking at least 5 minutes to utter 1 word. I almost fell asleep during that interview. *I'm sorry- don't mean to be rude, but that was after lunch!*I am going to be staying in the psych ward this weekend and am coming back on Monday night.The room they allocated for us clerks is pretty isolated, and I'll be the only student there and there's no one on my room floor except for many locked empty rooms.I'm going to bring my baby Buddha statue with me *laughs*I'm kidding...Will update you guys on my weekend there!
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9:03 AM;;
Monday, February 18, 2008
her
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4:06 AM;;
her
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3:59 AM;;
