and when she speaks
Thursday, July 21, 2011
I know it's past twelve, and I just finished working from 7am-11pm, but I just feel so inspired.
Might sound silly, but I'm bursting with passion, fiery ambition- I just feel so on top of this world.
Feeling like I'm capable of achieving so much, of becoming someone who will make a difference in my field of work. (Maybe it's also because I'm listening to Greyson Chance 'Waiting outside the lines') ;)
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1:14 PM;;
I love my team.We're made up of such colorful, different personalities and form a good mix. I can't help but feel lucky to have good chemistry with all, and on top of it, an attending who's understanding and supportive as well.Of note, I feel I've really grown as a physician- as a third year, I'm so comfortable in my position, making medical decisions, calling the shots, teaching and hopefully, forming a good example for my interns and medical students. I hope they're learning a thing or two from me :) Kyle has dropped me home twice, I'm so grateful for that. He's a sweetheart. Farhan, the 6 footer is the mischievious one with long hair that puts mine to shame. Anna, is the chef and baker extraordinaire who speaks Polish, and Ben is my sweet, quiet medical student who's an amazing father of 2 kids (Amazing!). What a team. Another long call done. Two more to go, and GMF will be over.
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12:42 PM;;
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The warning alarm rang. It was from one of the patient's rooms down the hallway. My attending wasted no time, and we all followed quickly.I walked into the room, and completely missed him.I peeked into the bed, there was no one there. Then, I took 2 steps back, there he was... lying on the ground on his right side, crouched and contracted. I looked further and a pool of blood streaming from his face and head forming... This poor old man fell, and he was now bleeding and unable to move.My intern, a big giant 6 footer quickly grabbed hold of his torso, and the 2 nurses behind me grabbed the lower end of the patient, and I held his head- whilst we lifted him together to the bed.My entire left hand was soaked in blood, my watch was drenched. I looked at him, and his eyes were ticking left-to-right; it's called nystagmus. I swear that was my very first time I saw that, in my 3rd year of residency...His big eyes looked up into mine, and I saw fear. My heart almost cried. Many doctors by now, had already arrived- with nurses, all in a little frenzy, checking his vitals, feeling his pulse, getting his blood pressure, asking him to squeeze our hands (our little neuro exam to assess his brain nerves function).When he was unable to obey our commands, my heart sank even more.But 5 minutes later, he managed to squeeze one of my colleague's fingers- and a huge wave of relief overcame me. I was really really glad.His entire right side of his head was swollen, and he was still bleeding, oozing from his head and his face.No doubt, he would have suffered a brain bleed from the fall.I wrote on facebook later that day, how at that moment, just imagining being in his position, lying there - with a horde of doctors clamouring to stabilise you and assess you, it must be nerve-wrecking in the very least.I saw his eyes that were wide with fear. I ould only imagine how terrified he must have been, what thoughts were going through his head, and how scary it is to be so old and so fragile.My friends and I at work- we occassionally bring up our parents, and how we see them aging in front of our eyes. We see suffering, pain, loss, grief - everyday at work, and I feel, being in the medical profession, we learn not to take our loved ones for granted. And that includes taking good care of them, making sure they're safe and healthy. Life- what good is living when you don't have a healthy, functional body that goes along with it to celebrate and enjoy life? Take good care of your health, and do me a favor- keep a close eye out for your elderly loved ones.
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11:29 AM;;
A pleasant 30-something year old lady was admitted to us recently. She came in with 'chronic abdominal pain'. I should add she has metastatic breast cancer that has gone to her liver and is currently undergoing chemotherapy. And she's only 30-something.When we did the CT scan of her belly, we found the reason for her 'chronic pain' that's been persistent for the past 3-4 months.She has cancer that has spread throughout her belly. It's called peritoneal carcinomatosis, and it does not carry a good prognosis. When we broke the news to her, she broke down into tears. Then, she apologised for doing so.My attending held her hand, and said 'Don't say sorry, honey'. We stayed silent for a bit, until she collected herself.She's so young, it broke my heart. She said 'I've had this pain for so long and had scans, X rays done.... but they never showed anything' The tears came rolling down.
My boss replied 'It must have been planting its seed but was never enough for scans to catch it'.Her tears stopped soon after. I think deep down, when the pain continued, she must have sensed something was not right... with this news, it only confirmed her biggest fears...
We left the room soon after. But judging from her character, she has a strong will and steely determination. Hopefully, she'll be one of the lucky ones to beat this. We should always have faith no matter what the diagnosis is. Because, time and time again, there will always be some lovely surprises and unexpected outliers - and as their physicians, we should give them that shot.
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11:16 AM;;
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
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9:16 AM;;
