and when she speaks
Saturday, August 07, 2010
I was semi-dragged to dinner the other night. And I was so hesitant at first, because I had so much work to do... my pile of list-to-do was sky-high...
But they persuaded and I kind of had no choice *laughs*
And it turned out to be an amazing dinner!
We went to a steakhouse called N9N3. And I had the best dessert :)
Vanilla gelato, with blueberry compote on lemon pound cake :) :)
Thanks Cheah and Sai Hei for dinner :) :) :)
An incidental meeting almost happened on Saturday last week.And I wasn't prepared for it, emotionally and mentally.It wasn't out of fear or intimidation or hurt, I just wasn't ready.I am glad for mum who came online at 5am Malaysian time to talk to me. And comfort me.Mums are really, angels sent from heaven. Who else knows my heart and my thoughts better than my own mum?
*I heart you, mum* She's such an amazing listener. I wish I could be half as strong as her sometimes...She lost her mother in her early 20s to ill health. And I don't know how I would have coped if I were in her shoes. I'd have broken down and taken a long time to heal, likely... She has the biggest heart, and the best smile; and the strongest character; and the most compassionate, loving touch... Thanks mum for always being there for me.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
These past few weeks have been eventful. Things were happening to the people I cared for...A girlfriend going in for surgery, revealed to me how she cried worrying it was cancer. We both knew she didn't have the risk factors for it, and she wasn't in the age group for it, yet that fear felt very real. She took time off work; and the surgeon warned her it could take a month for her to recuperate. I called her off and on to check up on her; although I know her husband does a great job taking care of her ;) He's very dedicated and supportive. Thankfully, there were no complications and she is recovering well :)
Another friend had almost taken a permanent break from her marriage to her husband of 7 years. But I cannot express my happiness and relief to know they are now happily back together again, and this time together in the same place-after being in separate states chasing their professional dreams for the past 3 years. And even happier news, they're trying hard for a baby now. The only thing I had to suffer from was her telling me before my lunch time 'Sueyi, I'm too busy trying for a baby everyday'. I replied 'That is just TMI (too much information)! PLEASE spare me!' *laughs*A dear friend of mine at work lost a parent suddenly back at home. We were all shocked by the news. His best friend told me first, and I wrote to him, offering any help I could... I don't know what I'd do if I were in his place, I'd probably break down, and take a break from work to be home with family.
Roselyn and I both cried; and we couldn't believe it... We both share the same values when it comes to family. Family is everything to us.
I didn't know what to say... I told him to be strong. My next sms to him was before his flight home, to wish him a safe journey; and I threw in a joke because I didn't want it to sound too melancholic- so I kid and said 'I hope you don't get a sore ass when you arrive home' after his long arduous journey. He joked back saying 'Lil' monsta, I'll see u in 2 weeks'. I can only pray for him, and hope that he has the closure he'll need before he comes back here. I think I'm such a crybaby. No, I know so. I cried to mum so many times the past week... I cried when I felt so bad for my patients who were told of grave diagnoses... What surprised me was that despite the overwhelming news (bad diagnosis) that they were thrown with, they had so much faith and belief.
But that pushes me each and everytime; all my personal experiences with my patients remind me to live as best as I can and be the best person I can be, for everyone around me- my loved ones and my patients...
I cried when I felt so self-centered letting my own problems overwhelm me when my patients had life and death issues yet they were grappling it with such strength...
I cried with all those things that had happened to my friends around me too... when he lost his father...
when my patient who is unresponsive and connected to the ventilator with a brain infection who subsequently developed a bleed in the brain AND who had just lost his wife 2 weeks ago when her cancer came back suddenly after she was in remission for 3 years...
And I cried when I read this article Vijai sent me about when to let our patients go when they're at the end of their life's journey... and how we play such a vital role in being open in coming to terms with their prognosis, with stopping aggressive treatment and pursuing comfort care instead
Goodness- I can really cry *laughs embarassingly*
I just feel so much... and I can't help it. A friend of mine said 'You cannot be too personal' but I feel its a human emotion that should not be too supressed.
I feel it makes me a better doctor as long as I don't get too overly emotional or let it cloud my judgements.
It's the human touch that makes the connection; and ultimately when your patients can relate with you and have that faith in you, their disease becomes an easier battle to fight because you're both on the same page. You want the best for them; they know you have their best interests at heart- and it's a winning relationship for progress to occur.
We all connect with our hearts... and I think that's why I love being a clinical doctor, because I get to form that rapport with my patients. I can feel the difference I'm making.
A senior once told me 'Ask yourself. If that was your grandmother or your parents, what kind of care do you want them to have? Would you still make the same decision?'
You know you're making the best decision for them when it's borne out of concern, hope and love.
Waiting outside Cheesecake factory :)
Sunday, August 01, 2010