Tempestuous ;;

and when she speaks

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

They just want to hear you say "it's ok".

And... that you will be there with them throughout the journey.

They don't want false hopes raised, neither do they want false reassurance lest they get disappointed.

Disappointment. Fear. Denial. Anger. Disbelief. Pain. Sorrow. Emotional turmoil that is all so hard to deal with, on an everyday basis.

My patients, they harp on numbers; and get so scared after their blood tests; just waiting to hear- if it goes up or down even if it's just by 0.1. They hang on to every number that is given to them, even if it fluctuates with such miniscule "absolute" changes. Their anxiety builds up with every blood test, every CT scan. You can tell when their heart is beating rapidly under your stethoscope as you listen to them.

It's nerve-wrecking; and these emotions- they're so hard on the person's psyche; both emotional and mental being- that the least we can do for them is to comfort when we can, easy any disappointments, reassure with reasonable expectations, hold their hands - and be there with them.

What I found so inspiring from watching my attending today; was that the first thing he said to my patient who was just diagnosed with cancer, was to stop beating herself up.

"It's nothing you did or did not do, no one has answers, it just happens. It can happen to the best of people who watch what they eat, who work out religiously, who do everything by the book- but it just happens. No one knows why, but it is time to stop beating yourself."

And I thought that was what each and every one of my patients needed to hear, from the very beginning - to ease the process of dealing with the diagnosis of cancer. Realizing that they had no control over this disease diagnosis, that it was not their fault in any way, that it is time to let go of hurting themselves in the process of finding fault or blame .... (which usually ends up being on them)

Which reminds me of one of my earlier heme/onc fellowship application interviews; where one of my interviewers told me that our job is to essentially

"hold their hands throughout it all, til the very end"

I am here with you, and all I want for you is for you to have the best chances of the best outcomes possible, and the best attainable quality of life. That is my job, my hope, my responsibility.

Love always,

SueSue

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11:10 AM;;

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

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8:48 AM;;

Monday, July 23, 2012

"Dr Dawson, you have an excellent fellow over there" pointing to me from across the hallway unexpectedly... I was caught off guard, but that statement certainly induced a giant smile on my face, I'm sure *lol*

Then Dr Dawson replied, saying "I'm well-aware of that, only she speaks too fast".

I laughed and said it's a Malaysian thing. Then, Dr Marshall said I shouldn't be blaming the Asian in me ;) haha

Ah such is the camaraderie with my amazing bosses whom I've started to really heart.

"It's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to the world"

The past week, I've come to have a better feel for the role that I am stepping into. The role that I had enthusiastically looked forward to embracing, but was anxious in the meantime. But I know I am doing a good job :)

You know it, when your patients and their families are saying you're a great doctor in front of your bosses, commending you *smiles*

I am all happy. To know that I am doing a great job, doing what I love, and doing well at it as well; for my patients - it's a truly gratifying feeling <3

Love

SueSue

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12:19 PM;;

Sunday, July 22, 2012

A patient I saw in clinic; a gorgeous natural beauty she was. She was young, in her 30s, with cancer- who at the end of our meeting pulled me close... and showed me what she used to look like a year ago.

A picture that showed a confident woman, who knew she was beautiful and unafraid to show it. Only now, that belief in herself had vanished. Her self-esteem robbed, because of her own belief that she was now unattractive, because of the medications we gave her and its side effects. But to me, when I first walked in to that room, all I thought to myself was how beautiful she was with big eyes, long raven hair, beautiful facial features, and with such a sweet smile.

Yes, the medications we gave her, did cause some fluid retention and swelling, but the benefits of the medications far outweighed the side effects.The medications were necessary.

I said to her, looking straight into her eyes, "I am looking at a woman in front of my very eyes, who is beautiful."

"You are beautiful, both inside and out. And I am telling you exactly as how I see you. And don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise"

She looked at me with tears welled up. I held on strong, and I repeated exactly what I said. Then I added, "You are a fighter. You need to know that health is your priority, and that if you don't have health; there is no point in looking gorgeous. You need to take care of yourself; and beat this". Then, I squeezed her hands.

You know how they say that people believe what you tell them when you yourself believe in what you say. And that was how I felt.

Health is everything.Without it, you don't have quality of life.

And personally, I've always felt that a person is beautiful when they have inner happiness and it shines right through. On their radiant face, in the sparkle of their eyes and in the curve of their smile.

Now that's something :)

Lots of love,

SueSue

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7:37 AM;;

A few days ago, a patient of mine taught me a great lesson. He told me this:

"The man who has no shoes doesn't know how well he has it, til he's met the man who has no feet"

... and then he cried on me for feeling sorry for another patient he met in the waiting room who has metastatic cancer but is all alone.

He is absolutely right, there is always someone else worse off than you no matter how bad you think your situation is, so quit feeling sorry for yourself and start going out there to make a difference!

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7:06 AM;;