and when she speaks
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I'm in love with M&Ms. The ones with peanuts inside :) *mmm* I have to admit, typing my progress from home, I finished half a packet :( :( and I had pizza and ice-cream today, too! OH NO :(They're my weak spot. Very weak spot. Another one is desserts: especially chocolate brownies with ice-cream :) mmmmm...You know how they say the way to a guys heart is through his stomach. I think it works for me too *laughs* ;) Dr Harting (my boss) knows I'm so bad at directions. He teasingly joked today 'do you work here?'I laughed out loud and looked guilty ;) One of the renal fellows call me by my full name! 'SUEYILAI' as if it's my first name.I asked him 'Why?' He said 'it's too short if I call you by Sueyi. So I say SUEYILAI. It's fast you know?'I said 'From now on, I'll call you by your last name- which is 4 syllables long*lol*' Then, he started calling me by my first name ;) *nice!*
her
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her ALIBIS
9:53 AM;;
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A comforting touch.
A gentle squeeze of hands.
A reassuring pat on the shoulder.
A listening ear.
An open, willing and compassionate heart.
Three things that are essential: your time, your heart and your ears He was intubated. Then, extubated. Failed his swallow evaluation the past week, and couldn't protect his airway.Crashed, and a code blue was called. The second time in 2 weeks.Was unconscious, with his tongue blocking his airway. His pupils nonreactive.Transferred to the intensive care unit.Intubated again on the way.Today, I woke him up gently. He looked at me for awhile, but I gently nudged him, and asked if he had pain. Tears started welling up in his eyes... and his wrists were restrained and tied to the bedside rails. I ssshhhheddd him gently, and said don't fight it... The tears welled up more, and he looked me straight deep into my eyes, as if begging for release. I squeezed his hands. I didn't say much, but I told him they were planning on extubating him today which is great news, but we are pulling in another team of doctors to supervise (ENT) just to make sure he can protect his airway after this re-extubation. What else could I say, but that we're here for him and that a whole bunch of doctors are closeby keeping an eye on him. Although I was in a rush to see all the patients on my list, I never leave them when they need me, or need someone there for that moment. They're on their own, in the hospital, with every move made by the doctors sometimes unnotified, it's a scary place to be, without much control over what's going to be done to you. What do you do lying on that bed, tied, and with a tube down your throat? Time essentially at a standstill when your thoughts go wild imagining. All they seek is just someone they can seek solace in temporarily. Or maybe someone just to be there for company. Or someone to take their mind off whatever they were worrying about. The human touch is an amazing gift of hope, and strength, especially in times like these...
Just a simple touch can magnify the comfort
her
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8:49 AM;;
her
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8:45 AM;;
Sunday, August 08, 2010
The memories still linger on.I think in times like these, work becomes my remedy.Spending time with friends is another way, but these issues are a matter of the heart. Something that only I should be dealing with, on my own.Drowning myself in work doesn't sound so bad *lol* I have a great bunch of people to surround myself with at work :) wonderful team mates and seniors :) Today, I went into the room of one of my patients who was told she needed a new liver. And she cried on me.At first when I went in, her face was a picture of misery and sorrow. I sat down next to her; and asked her to share what was bothering her " Nicole... tell me what's going on....." I placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. She was trying to comprehend the situation 'They told me I need a new liver... I don't drink. I don't take drugs. I don't smoke. I did everything right' then she broke down, crying...Her liver failure was from a medication she was given. In other words, it was drug-induced.I felt so bad for her. I said it wasn't her fault. "You didn't do anything to cause this, and you couldn't have done anything to prevent this either."She nodded but I could see she was doubting that statement very much.I squeezed her shoulder hard. "I know you're overwhelmed. And it's scary... but we're all here for you. At least there's an option; another alternative for your liver which is good news...We all want you well; and you've got a great team of doctors here keeping an eye out for you" "I want you to hang in there""Do you have support at home?" I enquired gently. She replied 'Yes, my husband"I smiled; "Good. I'm glad."I continued "Now you tell him to bring you magazines, and all the food you like ok? I don't want you thinking too much. Sitting here in this room, with nothing to do, you end up thinking this over and over; and that's not good for you. So you tell your husband to bring all the things you like, ok?" She let out a little laugh."Now, I don't want you sad anymore. Wipe those tears away ok? We're all with you here." And I shook her a little... and gave her a big smile. She wiped those teardrops away dripping down her cheeks...And a small little smile formed on her face.Sometimes, you get hit with unexpected things that are not in your control... and there is no other way to cope, other than to face it head on and be strong and have faith. And surround yourself with your support group.
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5:09 AM;;
