and when she speaks
Thursday, June 12, 2008
I'm flying home tomorrow morning.I hadn't thought of actually going home for grandpa.I thought my quiet whispers and heart-to-heart talk with him would be sufficient. And that he'd understand somehow.I remembered how my roommate in Australia went through a similar rough patch and she desperately needed closure because she didn't go home to her grandparent's funeral and worse still, she never really got to be there for him. The school's spiritual advisor came to help her out. She had trouble sleeping, having thoroughly mixed emotions of guilt and denial and sorrow.I brushed it aside and thought to myself that I would be able to cope with that. I would be able to stay here if the procession went on at home and mourn here by myself. Diane talked to me yesterday and said I should go home. I should be there.Despite the exams coming up in less than two weeks' time. Despite us barely into our new rotation. Family and home matters are more important.It would give me the closure I need.Deep down inside I really wanted to go home. But the thought of the looming exams, starting a new rotation Plastics (what if I like it and would want to do it for a career? I'll only really experience only 1.5 weeks of it altogether), the thought of travelling in total of 4 days and the rush and then, coming back into a hectic lifestyle of early 6am mornings and stressful studying late at night for the exam.....But it's going to be worth it.I'm going to be home.My heart feels so much lighter now. Honestly, I feel so happy and so relieved. So so happy I'm going home.They say he's waiting for me.I hope I can make it on time. Before his last breath.Take care :)
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
1:21 AM;;
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Dr Walsh taught us a thing or two about liver cancer the other day.How he diagnosed someone with cancer and then, the patient died two days later.How he gave an extra two years to someone with cancer. 'At least she had two extra years with her kids'I wondered. It would be so terrifying knowing your mortality will be soon, and how you have either two choices: to be in denial or come to terms with it quickly and cherish every moment you have with your loved ones whilst suppressing your very own fears of death.You cannot put a number down to how well you live your life. Two years is better than two months, nevertheless. That said, that young mother did not know how long she had - and so she lived, as though each day were to be her last. Making sure every second spent with her kids was meaningful. Fulfilling. Gratifying. Every moment of breath she had was sacred. She lived in the present. In the moment. That's how we should all live. Embrace your gift of health.Diane is such a dear friend. She was almost moved to tears today. And it was all my fault ;)So far plastics has been kind. I've got a wonderful PGY 1 by my side, and he's been my guidance the whole day today. Plus he knows all about roti canai, mee goreng ... hahahaAnd he speaks French, Dutch and Spanish too ;p
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
6:42 AM;;
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
My first day in Plastics today.A senior resident said during a short break in clinics ' I've heard about you in Infectious Disease. They said your level is higher than a PGY-5 (resident doctor in Year 5)'I laughed out loud,surprised... I can't believe they spread the news all the way from another building to HERE-PLASTIC SURGERY of all places!I guess I do have a reputation to live up to ;) I'm honestly having so much fun.I'm meant to be here, doing what I'm doing right now. I'm going to be the best doctor I can be for my patients, and it's going to be for someone close to my heart.
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
9:52 AM;;
To those who know meThey know I don't like crying in front of friends. I'm only most comfortable tearing in front of really really close friends whom I've known for ages and my family. Mum says 'It's ok to cry because you're only letting it all out. Don't keep it in. We're all human' That said, I think I am one of the biggest cry babies ever. The slightest touch of emotion can pull my heart strings so quick. I think that was one of the main reasons why I chose to go into medicine. I wanted to ease people's sufferings, as noble as that sounds... LoL.To those who know meThey know I'm a pretty private person. I only keep my worries to myself and my family.That said, they all know I'm very much a family-oriented person.Thank you for all the emails and messages.And the concerned, worried sentiments. You don't know how it brings a smile to my face each time I read each and everyone of them. To my dear dear friends, thank you so much *muacks*Mum called me just now to let me know grandpa is in an induced coma.Yiyi called me just a couple of minutes ago saying his blood pressure is falling fast and his heart rate is extremely rapid, all signs of shock. He is now intubated... but he's asleep.So long as he is peaceful, I'm happy...I've cried enough tears for tonight.Mum asked if I can come home... I want to. But I've just started Plastics and she understands that if this is something I might consider as a future career option, then I should stay for the next 3 weeks and then sit for the exam. It's just she knows he won't be able to last that long...After the first phone call from her, I opened an envelope for me and it was good news.I'm heading to NYU for dermatology right after my exams here.Thank you.
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
9:09 AM;;
