Call me Sueyi.
Call me Sue-Sue.
Call me Sue.
Just don't call me lil fry.

A 19 yr old :

Finding her niche in the passionate world of white coats and stethoscopes.

Missing Malaysian food so badly, that she drowns her sorrow by surfing food blogs.

Who watches scary movies only with friends who have high pain threshold (from all that pinching)

Who has very cold extremities, ask my stimulated patients, oops sorry, "simulated patients"

Who loves a good laugh with candid, thick-skinned friends

Who cannot stay surrounded by 4 walls for more than a few hours

Who loves her loved ones so so much


shout outs

endless wishes

char siew bao.

blueberry muffins.

hot Milo and crackers.

a neverending supply of Daddy's socks.

Bear hugs. Warm kisses. Lots of Love.

My own beach chalet.

Bubble baths.

Shining sun and rainbows.

Sexy stilettos.



I wear socks.Even with heels.

I play with my earlobes.

I have a Mongolian mole.

My family means the world to me. "Family means no one gets left behind"

I like cheekiness. You cheeky, me cheeky.

I heart my close friends, the ones who know me in and out, the ones who've grown with me.


July 1, 2007

July 8, 2007

July 15, 2007

July 22, 2007

July 29, 2007

August 5, 2007

August 12, 2007

August 19, 2007

August 26, 2007

September 2, 2007

September 9, 2007

September 16, 2007

September 23, 2007

September 30, 2007

October 7, 2007

October 14, 2007

October 21, 2007

October 28, 2007

November 4, 2007

November 11, 2007

November 18, 2007

November 25, 2007

December 2, 2007

December 9, 2007

December 16, 2007

December 23, 2007

January 6, 2008

January 13, 2008

January 20, 2008

January 27, 2008

February 3, 2008

February 10, 2008

February 17, 2008

February 24, 2008

March 2, 2008

March 9, 2008

March 16, 2008

March 23, 2008

March 30, 2008

April 6, 2008

April 13, 2008

April 20, 2008

April 27, 2008

May 4, 2008

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May 25, 2008

June 1, 2008

June 8, 2008

June 15, 2008

June 22, 2008

June 29, 2008

July 6, 2008

July 13, 2008

July 20, 2008

July 27, 2008

August 3, 2008

August 10, 2008

August 17, 2008

August 24, 2008

August 31, 2008

September 7, 2008

September 14, 2008

September 28, 2008

October 5, 2008

October 12, 2008

October 19, 2008

October 26, 2008

November 2, 2008

November 9, 2008

November 16, 2008

November 23, 2008

November 30, 2008

December 7, 2008

December 14, 2008

December 21, 2008

December 28, 2008

January 4, 2009

January 11, 2009

January 18, 2009

January 25, 2009

February 1, 2009

February 8, 2009

February 15, 2009

February 22, 2009

March 1, 2009

March 8, 2009

March 15, 2009

March 22, 2009

March 29, 2009

April 5, 2009

April 12, 2009

April 19, 2009

April 26, 2009

May 3, 2009

May 10, 2009

May 17, 2009

May 24, 2009

May 31, 2009

June 7, 2009

June 14, 2009

June 21, 2009

June 28, 2009

July 5, 2009

July 12, 2009

July 19, 2009

July 26, 2009

August 2, 2009

August 9, 2009

August 16, 2009

August 23, 2009

August 30, 2009

September 6, 2009

September 13, 2009

September 20, 2009

October 4, 2009

October 11, 2009

October 18, 2009

October 25, 2009

November 1, 2009

November 8, 2009

November 22, 2009

November 29, 2009

December 6, 2009

December 13, 2009

December 20, 2009

January 31, 2010

February 28, 2010

March 14, 2010

March 21, 2010

March 28, 2010

April 4, 2010

May 9, 2010

May 23, 2010

May 30, 2010

June 6, 2010

July 11, 2010

July 18, 2010

July 25, 2010

August 1, 2010

August 8, 2010

August 15, 2010

August 22, 2010

August 29, 2010

September 5, 2010

September 26, 2010

October 3, 2010

October 10, 2010

October 17, 2010

October 24, 2010

October 31, 2010

November 7, 2010

November 14, 2010

November 21, 2010

November 28, 2010

December 5, 2010

December 19, 2010

December 26, 2010

January 9, 2011

January 16, 2011

January 23, 2011

February 13, 2011

February 20, 2011

February 27, 2011

March 6, 2011

March 13, 2011

March 20, 2011

April 3, 2011

April 10, 2011

April 24, 2011

May 15, 2011

May 22, 2011

May 29, 2011

June 5, 2011

June 19, 2011

July 10, 2011

July 17, 2011

July 24, 2011

July 31, 2011

August 7, 2011

August 14, 2011

August 28, 2011

September 4, 2011

September 11, 2011

September 18, 2011

September 25, 2011

October 2, 2011

October 16, 2011

October 23, 2011

October 30, 2011

November 6, 2011

November 13, 2011

November 20, 2011

January 8, 2012

January 29, 2012

February 5, 2012

March 11, 2012

March 18, 2012

March 25, 2012

July 8, 2012

July 22, 2012

August 5, 2012

August 12, 2012

September 2, 2012

September 16, 2012

September 30, 2012

October 7, 2012

October 14, 2012

October 21, 2012

October 28, 2012

November 11, 2012

September 8, 2013

September 29, 2013

January 5, 2014

January 26, 2014

February 16, 2014

July 27, 2014

August 17, 2014

August 24, 2014

November 16, 2014

December 7, 2014

February 22, 2015

March 1, 2015

and when she speaks

Friday, October 30, 2009

This was a week ago, dinner with my HIV/AIDS team at a Nigerian restaurant, Iyanze :) Look at how international we are! Like the United Colors of Benetton! *hehe*
We have representations for the: Chinese, Iranian, Nigerian x 2, Indian, Mexican :) *very colorful indeed* :)

Also,the other day, Christine was wonderful enough to drop me home at dear ol' Wicker Park. She ended up staying, and we got i Cream where you choose your flavors and toppings and they make it there and then for you with LIquid Nitrogen ;) She had her 'pumpkin cheesecake ice cream with graham crackers' and I had my 'cinnamon honey chocolate ice cream with crushed oreos' ;) And then, I bought a carrot cake and another sweet pastry with cinnamon * cream cheese filling! , and we had yummy lamb shawarma for dinner :)

1:11 AM;;

Yesterday- what a day.

The day before I was post-call; and I couldn't sleep after coming home, and I barely had any sleep the night on call.

Finally, floated into a dream at 9pm. I woke up yesterday morning, really tired and drained and hoping the day would go by quicker.

The Grim Ripper (Reaper?) came yesterday, I announced two patients dead; and one poor guy was told he now has metastatic end-stage Multiple Myeloma.

*brr* it always gives me the chills to pronounce them dead; and inform their family members. The husband of one of the patients; broke down on the phone 'What do I do now? I have never faced this before. Please tell me what do I do now? I don't know...'

I told him to come in to the hospital; and make sure someone is with him. His crying over the phone made me swallow a tear, almost. Just imagine, losing someone to leukemia so quickly, so unexpectedly, and then, waking up the next day, not needing to go to the hospital to see her anymore. Not having her around you anymore, in person. That face, the conversations, the company, the love, the hugs and touch- all now only in memory.

It's hard. And I know, in times like these, it's family who you turn to for continuous emotional and mental support. Family; and close friends.

Carpe diem. Open your heart and open your life.

1:03 AM;;

Monday, October 26, 2009

5:25 AM;;

It's so amazing - the power of words.

And the value of friendship.

Call me soppy. Or old school :) But I felt so warm and happy inside, receiving numerous messages in response to my email.

I heard from all my old friends alike- all the way from Denmark; a gorgeous Danish beauty whom I met only once here in a friend's friend's house-warming party in Chicago, where she quietly revealed to me about her mum's passing from cancer the first time I met her; and we bonded over that bare-hearted conversation-----to Spain, where I made another dear friend, Carmela, a radiologist whom I got to know when I was working at Cornell Presbytarian Hospital at New York last year.

The messages alike were all heart-warming, to say the least. And some were just inspired.

Someone wrote to me and said that it was the most touching and humane thing he read. Another friend agreed and went on to send thank you emails to her friends as well :) and not only that, she also took a walk down memory lane and remisniced about the good ol' times we had back in med school :) A dear friend left a smile. A few responded and said really sweet things in return :) And a few other medical colleagues shared their experiences in dealing with death and dying.

Teng joked about collecting all these articles of mine in the next 10 years and publish a book on them *laughs*

Daddy always says the same thing. Dad would encourage me to keep up with writing, and use it as a way to cope if I need to de-stress or just write as a passion of mine; as an avenue to remember patients by, to reflect on all my experiences as a medical student and a doctor- and maybe, next time publish it for people so they know what it's like. I find that thought really inspiring, and hopefully, a dream to come true in the near future *laughs*

You know that patient I was telling you about-that old man with severe pain who was finally made comfort care.
He passed away peacefully this morning.

May you rest in peace.

4:57 AM;;

Sunday, October 25, 2009

As most of my close friends are aware, I am now working in the hematology/oncology ward where I'm surrounded by patients who are sick with cancer, leukemia or lymphoma.

Some of the things I've seen would have struck a chord with me then, and made me cry. But now, as I've become accustomed to seeing these patients daily, I don't cry as easily, but I empathise more with the loved ones who have someone with cancer.

It's a gorgeous Saturday, despite the cold wind, there are leaves with blazing colors falling down, brightening the misty cold air.

It's meant to be a day to take advantage of. Yet here I am, now in the comfort of my own home, writing my thoughts down after a short day at work.

One of my patients' MRI result came back- and it showed mets all over her brain; and her spine.

I didn't break the news to her. Already, the day she was admitted, she was angry and hurling profanities, and being blatantly rude to anyone and everyone who was to see to her, including me and the other team of doctors. But who can blame her?
Her very exact words the next day I saw her "What will you do if someone told you you only had 6 months left to live?"

What can I say?
I left the breaking bad news to my staff oncologist whom I had worked with before; who is a wonderful guy. And I can only imagine what she is thinking of at this very moment sitting in her hospital room, after being told her cancer had spread all over her brain and her spine.

Sometimes when caring and dealing with all these issues upfront, especially when it's grim prognostically and death is constantly around the corner, I find it easier to manage when I don't dwell on them. Or it really does affect you.

The thing I try to do though is to take the good out of it, and it always serves as a good reminder to never take your health for granted, and equally as important if not more, to always show the people around you how much they mean to you, and that you appreciate them just being there.

Tope yesterday said to me "Life is not always a marathon. Don't run and burn yourself out" which I thought was a great analogy to reminding me to take good care of myself :)

Another patient of mine, an 84 year old guy battling lymphoma and cancer, was in so much pain, that everytime you touch him, his face grimaces in pain. But he can barely move, he is just lying there limp and almost lifeless. I almost wish for him to go quickly, after seeing all his loved ones- just so he can escape the pain and sufferings. He developed severe mucositis to the extent when he opens his mouth, all these black plaques eroding his oral mucosa and all over his oropharynx is nearly causing partial obstruction. He's in so much agony from the mucositis. I just cannot fathom what he is going through, but I know how much pain he is in, yet he can barely express the pain other than the facial expression and fear you see in his eyes when he does open them.

Finally, he is made comfort care this morning. Which means making sure he is comfortable and in as little pain as possible, with medications.

Seeing his daughter by his bedside, just knitting at times, at other times I'm sure when the door is closed, talking and keeping him company, I know what she is going through. Because my mum went through the same thing, keeping my grandfather company.

Really, when you are stripped bare, the only things that matter are the people who surround your life. The dear ones who are there for you because you mean something to them.

To my family and friends; I hope you know you are dearly cherished
And that every moments spent with you guys, I have never forgotten. Especially if you've made me laugh, been there for me, made me cry (not on purpose), made me scream/shout, made me jump with joy- made me feel whole and human.

I never forget.
Lots of love, and for always

- Had a great time with Christine, took her around exploring Wicker Park. She absolutely loved it and said it reminded her of her all time favourite place; NYC! And that's a great compliment; if it's comparable to NYC ;P We had pastries from Artemio's bakery, dinner at Bon Bon and bubble tea :) We sat out in my balcony and laughed away heartily

-It was Hilda's birthday yesterday, although I was post-call; she told me over the phone 'Sueyi, it's my birthday' all of a sudden. And she almost forgot about her own big day. So I set my alarm despite only 3 hours of sleep in close of 40 hours, and walked over to get some yummy pastries- and hopped onto a bus over to her place. We ate, talked, laughed and bonded. And I slept over too. Woke up for work together, and met up for lunch at her hospital :)

-Mariam, called me on my call night, making sure I was doing ok. Call nights on the oncology wards are brutal. And hard-core. And taxing on the mind and body to say the least. I survived mine :) And it was so nice of her to text me, and call me too :) *thank you*

-Carlos and I have planned to meet up *finally* we have decided on a day that will work out - so, Ethiopian food next month! :)

-Sai, being the cheeky devil that she is, is hooking me up for a blind date with a colleague of hers who is a surgery intern in Michigan this Halloween weekend. So, we're going to double-date. Will see how that one goes ;)

Til then, I hope everyone (if there's anyone reading this at all *lol*)is doing well :)

2:19 AM;;