and when she speaks
Saturday, May 21, 2011
It's my baby sister's birthday today. She's sweet seventeen.She's my bundle of joy, and I love her to death. She's been an amazingly supportive sister.Made me see reason when I was unable to see through foggy tears, and blind emotions. Gave me strength when I was literally crumbling in heartache from a breakup. Helped me see what I deserve, and more. I love you baby. I wish you nothing but the very best for your academic endeavours- you big dream chaser, you ;) and I wish you (far more importantly than success) love, joy, great health and the courage to acknowledge when you do need help, and the understanding that family is everything and more.I cried in front of her this morning. It was a rough call, but friends made it ok.What made it so hard was a patient of mine reminded me of my grandfather. The steroid-induced Cushingoid look. The round cherubic face, the skinny stick-like hands and legs- but deep inside: they shared even more similarities:the smile, the warmth, the love for attention and affection from the people around them; especially their doctors, the love to continue talking so gently yet so passionate and interestedI wanted to cry, watching him.It reminded me of losing my own grandfather. And how I barely made it til his last breath- flying home as soon as I knew he was critically ill in the ICU half way through my third year of medical school.He watched me leave home to study. Throughout it all. From Malaysia to Australia. He'd walk and send me off at the airport. Over the years, he became more frail, and when I left for Canada for med school, he'd be sitting in his wheelchair with my sisters behind him, waving back at me.I miss him. He was so proud of me- I get so shy and bashful when he tells his friends of my accomplishments.I don't know why I am so sentimental now, but watching my patient- reminded me of my grandpa.Only my heart goes out to him, because I know he doesn't have that long to live. He has cancer, and it has spread to all part of his bones. He is 72. Pain control, that's why he came in for.I cried so much over my webcam to my baby sister- and told her how I only wished I can call his family up, to let them know to cherish as much time they have with him left, to not take him for granted.Family is everything. What's scary is when your loved one is fading in front of your very eyes, but you don't see it, and you don't appreciate them- and when you realise it's too late, you'll be living in regret wishing you could turn back time.And so I urge everyone of you to never take your loved ones for granted. Illness can strike unexpectedly, life is so fragile- I've seen it over and over again, striking people I know with the biggest hearts- never take your loved ones for granted.
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
3:39 AM;;
Friday, May 20, 2011
Walked into my patient's room- a 72 year old pleasantly demented male patient.Asked him 'How are you today?'His answer, extremely cheeky "Now that I've seen you, I feeeeeel fine :)"I told Christine that. She laughed, and said 'Well, you made his day'.I exclaimed 'More like he made my day!' - *laughs*
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
6:17 AM;;
Thursday, May 19, 2011
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
8:08 AM;;
I love my attending, love my friends. I'm blessed and thankful for everything. My mid-rotation eval was brief and uncomplicated. He said 'I have nothing much to say. Yea, you're awesome'. I was brimming with smiles the entire day :)Dr Guerra looked at me today, and said with faith and conviction: 'I know you'll get it'. He paused, smiled and said it again 'You'll definitely get it'- on my fellowship application. I'm so grateful to have such supportive, wonderful people around me- who believe in me.It definitely brought a warm feeling deep within me. Dr Guerra took us (me and Dan) to STAX today on Taylor's street for breakfast. Banana french toast with dulce de leche (amazing) and I had the banana crepes with chocolate caramel (doubly amazing). I was the only girl on the table, and guess who was the only one who finished her meal? Yeah, you guessed it. I had such a fun time with them this morning. I told Dr Guerra I could get used to this (note: it's extremely rare to have only ONE patient on your list on GMF-medicine)!!Old Town - flower pot shopping with Pat. Dinner with the Rushies at Bistrot Margot. Dinner with anesthesiology team at El Barco Mariscos. Cheah dropping by with cookies and chocolate mint tea :) Visiting the temple this Saturday for some personal reflection and spiritual enlightenment :) I can't wait! Su's birthday grill on Sunday. Korean BBQ tonight with the Malaysians :) Life is good. Thank you for everything. Cherishing every moment.
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
7:49 AM;;
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Photofun for the likes of it
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
9:36 AM;;
Nights out with the RUSH gang :)
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
9:34 AM;;
Spring fun in the park.
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
9:27 AM;;
La Cantina with the RUSH girls :)
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
9:24 AM;;
Monday, May 16, 2011
If there's one thing I struggle with, it's when my emotions get involved with a person.
Growing up, I've managed to avoid ever falling for anyone because I was determined to stay focused on my studies- and not let any form of distractions affect me. I was so driven, I let a lot of boys down. I never really did care for having a boyfriend or a partner for support.
I had my dreams to chase after. The world is after all, beckoning.
I wanted to give my best shot at everything I did, and in pushing myself to be the best I could. be
I never really got a good grasp in handling my emotions . I get overwhelmed and stressed out easily, and I maybe tend to over-think. Ok, maybe that's an understatement.
The last thing I want to do is lead people on when there are no feelings involved, and the absolute thing I don't ever want to do is to hurt anyone. But that said, when you fall for someone and your heart's with someone, you really can't control how you feel. The other person's feelings become yours as you get closer.
If you've hurt him, you feel the pain too.
I know, I still have a lot to learn. And I'm sorry.
If there's that one person who makes you laugh and cry at the same time, you know your heart's with that person. If there's someone who can comfort you and supports you in everything you do, you've got an amazing support pillar- don't let go.
You never know til you've given it a shot.
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
7:03 AM;;
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Love my medicine team. Both my attending and interns are wonderful.Highlight of the week:Finishing clinic early on Tuesday, and enjoying a stroll out in the park on a warm, sunny afternoon with Yvonne, Cheah and Sai Hei. With yummy frozen yoghurt :)Dr Guerra giving me my mid-rotation evaluation, telling me I was awesome :) and that he was happy with my work, and my handling of the team. I couldn't have been happier.Sharing a conversation with Jyoti and Tarek about family and money. Jyoti paging me 'Sueyi, love, we have your chocolate chip cookie here on 7S' on my call night :) And we talked about how family comes first before anything. And how money can always be made later in life. *hearts* Family IS everything. Dinner with the anesthesia people at El Barco Mariscos; Savio, Shari and Nick. Too much Mexican food, and margaritas! Onto supper at Clarke's (chocolate ice cream sundae) with Victor and Savio :)Felt down this morning, it was a sweet coincidence that Cheah was in the neighborhood. It must have been the gloominess and the cold rain. I cancelled all plans, because I wanted to keep tonight low-key and relaxed. Time for myself. But I think that wasn't too good an idea for me. Thank goodness, Cheah was around- he popped in with a surprise large chocolate mint tea from Argo Tea for me and a plateful of yummy delectable cookies :) It brought a smile to my face. Played with his camera, had Johnny Rocket's burger for dinner, and facebook-stalked his friends' wedding pictures that were breathtakingly romantic and beautiful. Cheah said this to me: "You know you should really publish your writings. I forwarded your article to [my boss] and he liked it. I really like reading what you write."then he added again 'Yeah, you really should compile all your writings and... I'll be the first one to buy your book'. We started talking about this because I told him I haven't emailed my friends a story for so long- I used to regularly write them about once a month- on a patient that affected me, or a work experience I had that taught me a profound lesson that I hope to share with my friends, that they can learn from...I laughed at that. It was really sweet. I know, dad has always told me to do the same. Keep on writing on my experiences, and one day, publish it for the future young doctors to read. "Of course, I'll give my book to you for free" I exclaimed!I used to write so much, on experiences that have profoundly affected me- patients who've taught me life-learning lessons, on strength and courage, and on holding on strong, and from their families who've showed me the true meaning of love. I've been on hiatus for far too long since interviews ended. It's time to pick this back up again. and get my pen working :)I profess the words I use aren't that bombastic, or extremely sophisticated in style- but I think why it gets to people is because I write from my heart- and my emotions are strong. I thank god for friends who remind me of my passion pursuits that make me whole. Actually, I just thank god - for everything and everyone in my life. Period. Don't take your loved ones for granted.A friend just left the country because her father is ill. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family. Life really is fragile- you only have one life to show those you care that they mean the world to you. SO do it.
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
11:10 AM;;
her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
11:08 AM;;
Photofun for the likes of it
Nights out with the RUSH gang :)
Spring fun in the park.
