Call me Sueyi.
Call me Sue-Sue.
Call me Sue.
Just don't call me lil fry.

A 19 yr old :

Finding her niche in the passionate world of white coats and stethoscopes.

Missing Malaysian food so badly, that she drowns her sorrow by surfing food blogs.

Who watches scary movies only with friends who have high pain threshold (from all that pinching)

Who has very cold extremities, ask my stimulated patients, oops sorry, "simulated patients"

Who loves a good laugh with candid, thick-skinned friends

Who cannot stay surrounded by 4 walls for more than a few hours

Who loves her loved ones so so much


shout outs

endless wishes

char siew bao.

blueberry muffins.

hot Milo and crackers.

a neverending supply of Daddy's socks.

Bear hugs. Warm kisses. Lots of Love.

My own beach chalet.

Bubble baths.

Shining sun and rainbows.

Sexy stilettos.



I wear socks.Even with heels.

I play with my earlobes.

I have a Mongolian mole.

My family means the world to me. "Family means no one gets left behind"

I like cheekiness. You cheeky, me cheeky.

I heart my close friends, the ones who know me in and out, the ones who've grown with me.


July 1, 2007

July 8, 2007

July 15, 2007

July 22, 2007

July 29, 2007

August 5, 2007

August 12, 2007

August 19, 2007

August 26, 2007

September 2, 2007

September 9, 2007

September 16, 2007

September 23, 2007

September 30, 2007

October 7, 2007

October 14, 2007

October 21, 2007

October 28, 2007

November 4, 2007

November 11, 2007

November 18, 2007

November 25, 2007

December 2, 2007

December 9, 2007

December 16, 2007

December 23, 2007

January 6, 2008

January 13, 2008

January 20, 2008

January 27, 2008

February 3, 2008

February 10, 2008

February 17, 2008

February 24, 2008

March 2, 2008

March 9, 2008

March 16, 2008

March 23, 2008

March 30, 2008

April 6, 2008

April 13, 2008

April 20, 2008

April 27, 2008

May 4, 2008

May 11, 2008

May 18, 2008

May 25, 2008

June 1, 2008

June 8, 2008

June 15, 2008

June 22, 2008

June 29, 2008

July 6, 2008

July 13, 2008

July 20, 2008

July 27, 2008

August 3, 2008

August 10, 2008

August 17, 2008

August 24, 2008

August 31, 2008

September 7, 2008

September 14, 2008

September 28, 2008

October 5, 2008

October 12, 2008

October 19, 2008

October 26, 2008

November 2, 2008

November 9, 2008

November 16, 2008

November 23, 2008

November 30, 2008

December 7, 2008

December 14, 2008

December 21, 2008

December 28, 2008

January 4, 2009

January 11, 2009

January 18, 2009

January 25, 2009

February 1, 2009

February 8, 2009

February 15, 2009

February 22, 2009

March 1, 2009

March 8, 2009

March 15, 2009

March 22, 2009

March 29, 2009

April 5, 2009

April 12, 2009

April 19, 2009

April 26, 2009

May 3, 2009

May 10, 2009

May 17, 2009

May 24, 2009

May 31, 2009

June 7, 2009

June 14, 2009

June 21, 2009

June 28, 2009

July 5, 2009

July 12, 2009

July 19, 2009

July 26, 2009

August 2, 2009

August 9, 2009

August 16, 2009

August 23, 2009

August 30, 2009

September 6, 2009

September 13, 2009

September 20, 2009

October 4, 2009

October 11, 2009

October 18, 2009

October 25, 2009

November 1, 2009

November 8, 2009

November 22, 2009

November 29, 2009

December 6, 2009

December 13, 2009

December 20, 2009

January 31, 2010

February 28, 2010

March 14, 2010

March 21, 2010

March 28, 2010

April 4, 2010

May 9, 2010

May 23, 2010

May 30, 2010

June 6, 2010

July 11, 2010

July 18, 2010

July 25, 2010

August 1, 2010

August 8, 2010

August 15, 2010

August 22, 2010

August 29, 2010

September 5, 2010

September 26, 2010

October 3, 2010

October 10, 2010

October 17, 2010

October 24, 2010

October 31, 2010

November 7, 2010

November 14, 2010

November 21, 2010

November 28, 2010

December 5, 2010

December 19, 2010

December 26, 2010

January 9, 2011

January 16, 2011

January 23, 2011

February 13, 2011

February 20, 2011

February 27, 2011

March 6, 2011

March 13, 2011

March 20, 2011

April 3, 2011

April 10, 2011

April 24, 2011

May 15, 2011

May 22, 2011

May 29, 2011

June 5, 2011

June 19, 2011

July 10, 2011

July 17, 2011

July 24, 2011

July 31, 2011

August 7, 2011

August 14, 2011

August 28, 2011

September 4, 2011

September 11, 2011

September 18, 2011

September 25, 2011

October 2, 2011

October 16, 2011

October 23, 2011

October 30, 2011

November 6, 2011

November 13, 2011

November 20, 2011

January 8, 2012

January 29, 2012

February 5, 2012

March 11, 2012

March 18, 2012

March 25, 2012

July 8, 2012

July 22, 2012

August 5, 2012

August 12, 2012

September 2, 2012

September 16, 2012

September 30, 2012

October 7, 2012

October 14, 2012

October 21, 2012

October 28, 2012

November 11, 2012

September 8, 2013

September 29, 2013

January 5, 2014

January 26, 2014

February 16, 2014

July 27, 2014

August 17, 2014

August 24, 2014

November 16, 2014

December 7, 2014

February 22, 2015

March 1, 2015

and when she speaks

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Awww. It made my heart melt

Someone said this to me.
Someone who has always believed in me. Someone who's always been there for me.

"I've always known you'd make a great doctor"

I love my job. My dream job.

3:44 AM;;

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Yesterday, in the call room, I texted mummy up just to say Hi- because the other day, she was reminding me to call home more often. She said she knows I'm busy, "but once in awhile, it's nice to text and ask how everyone at home is". And then, I felt guilt-ridden.

Needing her to remind me to call home, I felt like a terrible daughter. Being so far away from home, I know they are always worrying about me. And - being caught up in my own world, forgetting to even drop a line to ask how they're doing- I felt so ashamed of myself, needing her reminder.

She told me Auntie **** passed away. Her last few hours were pretty bad. And she added in her text message to me 'not to forget to appreciate life'.

I called her up. And then, I heard her cry.
And that broke my heart.

She couldn't speak, because she was so choked up on her own tears, I didn't hear her voice thereafter. She passed the phone on to my sister.

And I was so worried because she was driving.

I called her again.

This time, I think she was holding herself back- and was definitely trying to control her emotions. She sounded calmer, I'm sure- because she didn't want me to worry. She said 'Don't worry Sue' at least 3 times- each one more insistent.

We talked for a short while. And she texted me back later

"Sue, cherish life and family. Remember to call home more often. Family is love. Don't overwork, there is no need to impress. Take care of yourself. Love you lots. muacks"

There is never a good thing that comes out of a battle especially when young kids are involved and they've lost a parent.

All the aunties got together - some very very old friends- for her wake, and left with a daunting realization that at any one time, you can lose someone so quickly (and she was only 51 years old)- and that nothing really matters other than the people you love and care so much for.

Mummy, I promise to call home more often.
I love you all lots

1:55 AM;;

"Wait, Dr Lai!"

I turned back from the door 'Yes, my dear?'
She was a patient who was severely depressed a week and a half ago, with a new diagnosis of leukemia. Just finished chemotherapy yesterday and is doing much much better.

She dug her drawer for a few seconds... I said 'I can come back later for whatever you want to show me, if you want'

'No No, I'll find it.'

She handed me an envelope with a thank you card.
I opened it and it made my day!

Here's what it read:-

" Dear Dr Lai,

I appreciate you so very much. I like your professionalism as well as the mild spunkiness. You make me feel at ease and you are sweet. Thanks for being you. The world needs more people like you in it. I know you want me to understand my disease and I believe you want me to beat it. Thanks for your overall concern and all you've done to make my time here pleasant."

I was so touched.
It makes working hard so so worthwhile.

I'm happy :)

1:52 AM;;

Sunday, October 03, 2010

A few days ago, our hospital was shattered emotionally with news that one of our colleagues, from my year of doctors- and a friend of mine whom I had recently worked with - had passed away. He committed suicide.

How he died- they did not share that with us.

But this was most unexpected. He had the whole world going for him. All his friends loved him. He was caring, charismatic, loving, always had his pager on even at home and his patients loved him because he was so caring, so warm--- he was confident, outgoing, personable, well-liked- and looked like he had it all together. Family and friends all loved him. I barely worked with him for a whole month, and we were exchanging smileys on text and he'd be texting me funny patient cases on my days off when I wasn't at work- that was how friendly and open he was.

He was there for me, for support when I needed it at work. He gave me advice, we'd share hugs for each other when we were overworked and stressed out.

He was so generous with his warmth and compassion and kind heart- to all his friends, to everyone.. He 'd openly say 'Aww, come here' and throw his arms around you and give you a big bear hug... He presented for grand rounds (this massive presentation where tonnes of doctors come) and ended this presentation with a picture of him and his gay partner in front of the tallest tree in the world, and we all laughed.

He was going to work with terminally ill patients, dying patients- and go into Palliative care - where priority is comfort for those patients. He was going to give his whole life and devote it to those sick patients. And to think, how ironic- that was why none of us could comprehend how he could have done such a thing- to leave all those who cared for him behind- the very opposite of a selfless act; what threw him off the edge? what was he thinking before he did it... I cannot comprehend. why couldn't he reach out for help like the way his patients reached out to him? what was so hard about doing that?

We all broke down crying when we heard the news. It was so unreal, yet it was real. Our own friend. What's so scary- is that we always think it'd never happen to our friends, especially when they seem so normal to you and look like they have no issues.
My program director told us yeserday 'males have a higher success rate in committing suicide'' and "doctors have the highest success rate because they know how to do it and get it done"

And the message that they were so desperate in trying to get across was that they 'desperately care for all of us' and wanted us all to seek help if we needed it, to reach out for the available support systems within the hospital...our chief of mdicine that old man I was telling u about said this; " we all love you very much. but you guys think its just a phrase. Its not. We really do love you all' and to that last statement, I couldn't hold back the emotions anymore. he broke down, all the chiefs broke down too.The atmosphere in the hall was so melancholic, so heart-wrenching. we all lost a friend, an amazing doctor who was amazing with his patients.

How real it felt. how unimaginable it was. just a few days we had him with us, and now he was gone.

Its so frightening and scary how this is actually more common than it is. After work yesterday, I went for a career talk at a restaurant where i bumped into more doctors, and we all shared hugs, and shared a silent understanding o f how thankful we were to have each other and a solid support group.

I feel, in medicine in particular, the notion of appreciating people around you is always there in your face. when you see your patients die in front of your eyes, when you see their loved ones always there in their room sacrificing all semblance of a normal life just to be there by their side, when you see people you care for slip away, both physically or into a world where their mental status is no more cognizant... it makes you grasp at life even stronger- and in a way, its bad (for me,in sacrificing sleep to be with people or obliging people) but Im also always questioning what I do.

Our chief told us yesterday never feel guilty. because none of us saw this coming, none of us could have stopped this.

Life is so precious.

Life is so precious,
And each day is a gift.
So enjoy every minute,
As it were your last to live.

Cherish your loved ones,
Hug them tight,
Share with them your heart,
And your time.

Nothing is forever,
And life goes so fast,
Each minute that passes,
Is one you can’t get back.

When troubles arrive,
And knock you off your feet,
Stand up and smile,
And remember life is too sweet.

Every morning when you wake,
Decide right from the start,
That “Today will be a good day”
And let it all in with an open heart.

My patients are fighting for their lives, battling an illness that they never asked for (cancer) ---- and seeing them makes me appreciate what I have everyday

Lots of love, always

-so cliche- but
Cherish those around you and let them know you appreciate them and that you're there for them

Rest in Peace, my dear friend.

11:50 PM;;