and when she speaks
Saturday, October 13, 2012
There's so much going on in this head of mine, and even more butterflies in my stomach.
This queasy sensation- has not left me since last night. I've been feeling like vomiting all day long.
*ugh* I guess it's great for weight control lol I honestly feel like my thoughts are all over (much like a kindergarten student's drawing) - that's how messy it feels to me right now.
Anyway, SueSue, you need to get a grip of your own emotional whirlwind, and stay grounded.
I've come to realize all my friends around me, including my loved ones- only want the best for me.
But they all have differing opinions, just as they are all different unique individuals, and most of them come up with pretty good reasonings for me to see their viewpoints, but this heart of mine has always always managed to run its own leash and find its own answers. And I think, rightfully so.
Because ultimately, it is my own decisions that I have to live with.
My own measure of happiness and joy may well differ significantly from another, but it is my own measure, my own terms and definitions. If I may be negative here, if I make the wrong move, then at least I know it was my own mistake to be made, and I will gain a lesson from it, but if it was a decision I was pressured to make, one I was not sure of to begin with, then I will forever never know the extent of the impact of that decision, and forever question myself.
I will live with whatever I put down as my choice. And so then it comes down to me really digging deep to finding out what really makes me happy, and what is it in life that I want.
And just like everyone else, we're all chasing our own pursuits of happiness.
We just have to find our way to our own roads, with pebbles and potholes and all to swerve around
As I think back to two years ago, I will at least know that I have tried. And I live with no regrets- that's how it should be.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Jyoti dropped by unexpectedly yesterday -after her interview. We had burgers at Ray's Hell's burger- and then enjoyed a slice of chocolate cake with a slab of vanilla ice-cream (mmmm!) And got lost after that as she drove me home! hehe!
And Savio and Christine's coming in this weekend. And then I forgot that Mariam's arriving tomorrow night, (which she just reminded me)! AND another couple, Su and Ray are dropping by this weekend too!
FIVE people this weekend. SueSue's tired already lol. So much for being so "young"- when I feel like this body of mine belongs to someone who's much older!
Monday, October 08, 2012
San Francisco-> Chicago-> St Louis-> Chicago -> NYC! my two week vacation!
Sunday, October 07, 2012
I got invited to one of my patient's funeral - but as his wonderful wife whom I've gotten to know really well termed it; a "celebration of his life" :)
I thought that was so different from the usual way of mourning, but couldn't have been happier because that's how it should be, that's how the passing one would prefer it to be I'm sure instead of all the tears/unbearable sadness, and that's undoubtedly an easier way for his/her loved ones to cope/process the grief/loss.
I think that although its unorthodox, that should be how we see the end of a loved ones' life. Or rather, the passing on. The body may not be there anymore, but the soul and spirit will forever be.
Unfortunately, I am on call this weekend, and thus, was not able to make it, but I will give her a call tomorrow to check up on her. She and I have bonded, and I've found someone who is similar to me, in that we try very hard to be strong inside, and sometimes we keep it too much to ourselves when we are under pressure, and try very much to burden no one else or rope in help, and she cries just like me *lol* - we do it in private. We both found out that we are very much alike, in how we think, how we feel, and how we process our emotions. I couldn't have been happier to find someone just kinda like me :) She's got an amazing, amazing soul. And a beautiful heart. I truly wish her the strength and passion to keep going on in life, and sharing all that she has to offer - because she truly is such a wonderful person, both inside and out. I remember, those days I use to walk over to his room, I'd say to her, to let herself go, although I knew how strong she was trying to be. She knew what I was trying to get at, and although it's hard when you're so used to staying strong and trying to hold it all together, sometimes just letting it go emotionally makes it so much easier to cope with. We are all only human, there's only so much we can take sometimes, especially when it comes to people who mean the world to us.
AND yes, yes, to all my wonderful friends: I will make it a point to go out and enjoy myself more!!!
EVERYONE keeps repeating the same things to me, constantly reminding me to get out! I HAVE and I am, and I will! *lol* It's just that being on inpatient oncology kept me in the hospital ALL the time!
Now that I'm based in the VA- that's not the case anymore ;) ;) :)
Shush <3 - for taking me out to celebrate, after finding out about my Boards results, over Haagen Daz ice-cream with me :) (awww) and then, saying her mum thinks I'm too cute, and wants me over for dinner with the family! - DOUBLE *yay* :))) And all my other sweetheart friends :) ALL of them :)
I'm so lucky to have such wonderful friends :)