Trust is earned, respect is given and loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one of those is to lose all three.
I learnt of something a few days ago, and it shattered my trust. Truth be told, I never expected it- you may call it naiveté- but I'd like to think that when I choose to believe in someone, I do so with all of my heart. Just as I would like them to do so with me. So to say it hurt me would be an understatement. It is akin to having your heart broken, because you gave it to them and they chose to trample on it.
Some relationships falter- some come out stronger. Undeniably, trust when broken, takes a very long time to be built back. Some get hurt and scarred forever, and they carry it with them with their next relationships. But I think that the best thing you can do for yourself firstly, is to love yourself. And if you love yourself, you will let that extra baggage go and understand that pain is part of the process of finding your love. Falling in love takes courage, the willingness to let yourself be vulnerable and to open your heart - and trust that the both of you are in it together, for the best. It is a scary place to be, but when you're in it, it's also a magical, beautiful place to have your heart enveloped in.
I'm that kind of lover. I love with all of my heart. Will I get hurt? Sure, but for me, I'd like to know I give it my all - and I won't have regrets. If you hurt me and do me wrong, then I will protect myself and walk away. Always know your self-worth. You deserve the best, you choose your circumstances and you decide on your own happiness. Never ever let anyone take you for granted or disrespect you. I do, however believe in second chances but this time around, it will require more than nurturing to earn back the lost trust.
The initial few days were hard, but what was so overwhelming in the days of sadness, were the support and love my friends showered me with. That is love. Love is when you truly care for someone, no matter the circumstance. They rallied and showed up. They woke up at 3 in the morning, picked me up and dropped me at the airport for my flight back to DC at 4.30am-despite it being a Monday morning. They let you cry into their cardigans, soaking it all up. They bombard your phone with text messages or hilarious uplifting picture messages. I got a message upon arrival back in DC, "We are always here for you no matter what". That was so heartwarming.
My amazing, wonderful friends who just showed up and stood by me. That's love.
When you're going through a bit of an emotional patch, you are hyper-aware of your surroundings. I focused on the positives. And, I saw it everywhere around me. My job. My co-fellows. One whom I called on a Saturday morning, crying to- who has been ever so supportive. Another who dropped me home and joked "Are you going to be ok? Do you want to have dinner?" despite his busy dating life ;)
I feel in love, loved by all the people I have in my life. And for that, I am blessed. My heart is full.
Love,
Sueyi
