Tempestuous ;;

and when she speaks

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I haven't blogged as much as I'd like to. This post should have come in a long time ago.

So much have happened in a span of a few short weeks since going home in February, I was just struggling to cope with everything on my shoulder emotionally, that I took a break from writing.

Writing has been my therapy all these years. I wished I kept on at it, so maybe I could have reflected better. Unfortunately, that was what I was trying to do; reflect so much and fight myself internally. My heart and head were at a crossroads, and that's not easy, especially because I am someone who can follow my passions blindly. To put it simply; stubborn ;) But it wasn't becuase I knew it was wrong, it was just because I wanted to chase what made my heart happy. Anyway, I digress.

I write my heart out, and you know that saying 'your heart's on your sleeve'- I think that's how I am.

How I feel- is all over: on my face, in my eyes, my writing... If I'm faking it, you'll know ;)
I posted this on facebook, after I saw through sorrow in my eyes in my pictures from Vegas, despite the smiles...
"You can always tell through a smile that has sorrow beneath." I tried to keep it positive, so I added "On the other hand, a smile is prettiest when it comes from real joy. So, gotta keep that soul nourished to look good! :)". It is true, isn't it?

Only YOU can make yourself happy.
I have so much to thank for, in life.
*For my dear amazing friends here who have been nothing but supportive, loving, caring albeit strict and stern sometimes (lol). I know it's all in my best interest.
*For giving me the opportunity to be in my footsteps of being able to see through a bigger lens, on life, love and our blessings; as a physician- seeing disease, death and suffering - it makes you look at life at a whole different perspective each time I put on my doctor glasses.
*For health, for love from family & friends, and for life.

Going back to clinic, seeing my own patients after being away for 5 weeks- I realized my patients missed me, and looked forward to seeing their "Dr. Lai!" ;) It brought on such happy feelings, knowing that they were so excited to tell me they were doing better, that they were insistent to the secretaries that they wanted an appointment to see only me (their PCP)... I love it when we get into the hug or high five zone because of how well they're doing. And then, they say it's thanks to me. That just tops all great feelings. Gratitude from my patients... I just get all smiley after :)

Since coming back, I've also spent a TON! (lol) But I'm only here for a couple more months; gotta eat up Chi' town! ;)

Then we had an amazing blast with the hot ASIAN BUN party I threw at my place. Thanks to mummy's buns :) (hehe x)

I can't even write about all the past few days experiences that have just made me over the moon.

-Teng asking me out, to bond over hot noodles (won ton!) :) and char siew :) mmm
-Chee Yuan calling to make sure I'm ok
-Anita and her skype session and frank sensible opinions
-Hilda and her ever wise words
-All my friends and their overwhelming support, phone calls, chit-chat by the hospital hallways, hugs, pep talks and emails, especially the first few weeks.
-Meeting more friends who are from DC, or have been there at some point who offer their help!
-Christine's mum and Cza volunteering to teach me how to drive back in the burbs!
-Tarek as well :) *yay* although he can be a pain sometimes lol
-All the fun, exciting things that go on with work friends- oh how I'll miss RUSH
-Dr Leslie printing out my publication, and distributing it to everyone during Friday board review. Everyone clapped hands, and joked "Sueyi, can I have your autograph?"
My face was flushed red, I think (lol). Then, Dr Leslie poked fun at the other publications (he's cheeky!) .... :) then, Dr Leslie, Dan and I just stayed behind chatting, catching up.
-Dan was so sweet. When he gets back from Costa Rica, we'll talk about DC, cos he's from DC.
-Receiving three copies of the journal with my VERY FIRST PUBLICATION. I was carrying the package happily bouncing off in the hallway, when Dr Baldwin saw me- and I showed him my source of joy (lol). He was proud of me! Then, I joked I was going to post it on facebook as soon as I got home, so he said "Good, you should!" ;))
-That night, after Anesthesia party, I don't think I' ve ever had so much fun dancing with a partner. He swung me, dipped me more than 6 times consecutively, turned, spinned me. We were in the center of attention on the dance floor. (ALL thanks to an amazing trained dance partner) I had so much fun. I certainly would love having a guy who can dance ;) It's so empowering, and sexy. I literally felt jolts through my body, and then him pulling me back close to his body, I have to say, dance is such a sexy form of expression... *lol*
-Mugging with my friends, cafe-hopping to study has been arduous; until I got my internet back!

-Bringing a smile to my patients' or holding their hands during trying times- I'm constantly reminded (as Christine puts it in her text msg) "we are in positions of power to do so much, to help, to bring comfort, to save lives". We are only too honored to be in our position to be able to have the power to do that, it is an amazing responsibility.

I am blessed.

I think I may have crammed too much in one post (haha)- oh well :)
ONTO studying/cramming.... til my USMLE step 3; March 29/30! Wish me luck! :)
Love always,
Sue Sue

her
STORY,
her ALIBIS
12:55 PM;;