and when she speaks
Saturday, September 05, 2009
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11:02 AM;;
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Silly me---All of a sudden, today I was hit by the blah feeling.I just felt kind of down- the morning went well - I worked with Dr Batus; and learnt lots :) and had a great time with my patients.But I had a sudden pang of homesickness.And the fact that I finished clinic at 1pm and had to go back to the hospital at 5pm for diabetes rounds didn't make me feel any better... the travelling to and fro each way takes about 35 minutes; hence the reluctance.But it's true.I miss home.And I miss family. And I miss being surrounded by everyone at home; mum dad my three monkey sisters who are always there; and my yiyi and my kakak and dear Johnny (my doggie) :) of course, I miss being taken care of and pampered too *laughs innocently* I miss all that. The warmth and the love.I need to occupy myself.I just left an offline msg to mummy; asking if she wants to come over? ;) *hehe*Just trying my luck :PAnyway, I'm all better now :) I came back from diabetes rounds- and caught up for dinner at the hospital with dear Lucia :) and saw Ayesha too :)Dinner tomorrow with Christine and Ayesha @ Big Bowl :)
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3:11 AM;;
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Oncology Clinic has been a terrific experience to-date.
I worked with Dr Bonomi yesterday and all my patients had Stage 3-4 NSCLC (non small cell lung cancer) and Dr Leslie today with all his patients having colon cancer.Everyone asked if I had an interest in oncology; hence being placed in oncology clinic- I said no; because that thought never struck me before. And I had never had any experience in that field either. I was intent on pursuing nephrology... but this clinic exposure has been great; I am actually contemplating of doing oncology now.It's funny isn't it? I was initially concerned it would be depressing; dealing with cancer- but you know what; I laughed as I told Dr Leslie this this morning; maybe we have a great clinic and a great oncology team here- because so far; everyone I've seen hasn't struck me as cachectic and really bad-looking - I've seen such well and healthy patients despite dismal prognosis that I'm really impressed with. There is so much we can do; so much hope- so many new clinical trials and new drugs and research studies coming up-it really is bearing fruit in terms of improving quality of life in the patients that I see. That said, I know that the patients that I see are probably veered and biased in a sense that those sick ones without hope are being taken care of by Palliative care.Watching some of them in remission; come in for their every few monthly check-up; and waiting anxiously for us to bear their CT scan results; I feel for them. They come in; and their mind is so fixated on the CT results...and their breathing rate is up. I don't know how else to console them; but to pat them on the shoulder; tell them to relax; and try to get the results out over and done with -for their sake. Breaking happy news that their CT is clear; you immediately see a sigh of relief and a big flash of smile that forms. It's really sweet to be the bearer of such positive news; as Dr Bonomi shared with me. But, of course- we have some who aren't so lucky either.I've met a few miracle cases. Those who have survived way beyong the expected given survival time. Take one old man, who is 78-with metastatic colon cancer with mets to the lungs and liver (I saw the CXR-huge nodules in both lower lobes almost the size of my fist); who has surpassed the 2 year expected time and is out to make this his 4th living year. And he looks like he can beat any of the 60 year olds with Congestive heart failure I see on the medicine floor. I told him I saw him outside in the waiting area; and I thought he looked amazing. He gave me a small smile :) Some of them have beaten their cancers and bounced back with so much zest, vigour and vitality. One, now back to living life as actively as she can; biking 12 miles a day! I told her she is way more active than I am, for sure ;) I think even 5 miles will induce breathlessness in me -.-' *laughs*One old lady, when we came back with her results; had tears in her eyes; with her brother and sister's support in her room- She was obviously terrified - feeling the entire weight of the world on her shoulders; just waiting for that one report for confirmation-either things are positive or negative- no other way about it:- and when we brought back a CT scan that was stable; no new nodes.... her tears came flowing more- but this time it was out of joy; not out of fear or trepidation.It's daunting being in that room with us when you follow up for your oncology visits.I see these patients of mine; and I see so much courage in what they have to face. I see smiling faces; and I see some who are so doped in pain medications that they can barely lift their heavy eyelids... and I see the tears too.All extremes -above all, I see faith and hope in so many of them. And I think; it's important to have that.And support and love around you. To keep your sanity and strength to hold it altogether. And to keep that fighting spirit to keep on living your everyday as best as you can :)
Carpe diem.
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2:45 PM;;
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
The past weekend had been pretty filled.And I dont think I caught up on sleep at all- and to think; I had my entire Sat and Sunday off despite that...I think this coming labor weekend will be the perfect time to do that; since half my friends are leaving -to Washington DC, NYC, back to the suburbs :(But in a positive perspective, I really need to catch up on sleep. And study. And save some $$$!I feel so bad. I want to save some money up and afford all my flight tickets home. I dont want to resort to using daddy's money at all.And so Ive been doing some thinking- Im not going to go out too often once winter strikes :)I'll also want to save up to spend on gifts before I head home :) Maybe I should just lower my expectations so as not to disappoint myself - *hehe* or daddy. Maybe a heads-up that he might need to foot half my plane ride back ;) ---such a bad daughter--- ;)Sai, Priti and Tara to Martini Park on Friday night. Followed by a sleepover @ Sai's lovely apartment with pizza for supper; and a chick flick - and a yummy brunch the next morning :)We missed JYOTI :(' - but we'll catch up soon.Saturday: Malaysian potluck to celebrate Merdeka :) lots of yummy food- nasi lemak, curry chicken, char siew pork, braised mushroom, bee hun! :), tong yuen, almond jelly :), red and white wine, wine shots from China containing 55% alcohol!!, aloe jelly drink =) All the fabulous food! with malaysian songs playing in the background *laughs* Then, I followed Brian and Gaurang to J bar and Violet Hour before heading home for some innocent fun. Sunday- woke up to three phone calls - and I slept at 4.am the night before! A dear girlfriend of mine had some concerns; and then another phone call reminding me to help out with a friend of his. I helped play doctor doctor outside of the hospital- by helping inject a friend's friend's father -- it was his Vit supplement shot. And guess what? I got treated to a super big hearty MEAL :) and then, got to tapau- some food home too ! *haha* So generous of the entire family! :)I love oncology clinic. Dr Bonomi and Dr Leslie have been absolutely wonderful :)
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8:03 AM;;
Sunday, August 30, 2009
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4:24 PM;;
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4:16 PM;;
