and when she speaks
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Wet market. Onto the bakery for some egg tarts. & French loaf which was toasted and made into garlic bread =) at home. Then, onto a flea market in Amcorp Mall whilst picking up sister's repaired handphone. Bought lots of cheap earrings!! Only RM2 :) And then, chanced upon pretty home-made cupcakes. Walnut coffee cupcake with cream cheese icing, chocolate ganache cupcake; banana lemon cupcakes. They were so pretty; mum bought so many! Cos' Sze-Sze couldn't decide on which ones to get; they got all flavors -.-' See. This is how much my family can wallop! -.-'Coconut jelly inside baby coconuts.One Utama with sisters:-Chocolate fondue with kiwi, strawberries, bananas and marshmallows.Fish and chips. Seafood platter. Mussels with garlic butter sauce =) for lunch.Lost Syeyi for awhile and thought she was kidnapped. Almost gave me and mum a heart attack. I actually went around asking sales girls from shops we went into describing her as 'Did you see my tall, lanky, Chinese sister brown skin...wearing...?' Right now as I'm typing this, Syeyi is sitting beside me plucking her hand's hair with an eyebrow plucker. And she's laughing at this whilst I'm writing this. She corrected my description of her - 'That hot tall Chinese fair skin girl whose body is so enviable...' *rolls eyes* oh brother! =) Of course, she got a dose of scolding from mum after we found her...Found her and all was good. I held on to her hands tight so she wouldn't get lost again ;P and told her we cannot afford to lose her; cos she's the precious musician in the house. Her short big jie jie holding hands with her 5 feet 7 3rd sister *sigh*Then, we went to book tickets for the only movie which seems to be the only one that does not have front row seats left - Kungfu Chefs -.-' for tonight.We had our chocolate fix at the Chocolate lounge where we had our fondue and all sweet things =)Back at home whilst waiting for daddy to come back from work to head out for dinner tonight at Dragon I.Karaoke family outing tomorrow where daddy will be singing with his constipated face ;)One Saturday with the family =)
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6:31 PM;;
Thursday, February 19, 2009
This morning was hectic.After that incident; I walked to the stairs where it's usually isolated and phoned mum up.And I told her; I had just lost a patient. And then, there was silence for awhile between the two of us because no words could come out of my mouth. Instead; I swallowed and tried to hold it all in.Mummy listened patiently.I'm doing geriatrics care in UMMC; taking care only of old people. Old Old people...I know I should be able to detach myself... but; I couldn't help it.My grandpa who passed away just 6 months ago passed away in the very same ward; in the very same room : the high dependency unit which houses 4 patients who are critically ill; of whom I was reminded very much by this patient.They say all old Chinese people look alike. All the females are skinny and bony and extremely tiny. The old men have swollen faces with skinny limbs from the steroids from all that Chinese medications they take.This old man looked so similar to my grandpa.The first day I came; he was sitting down; able to breathe out a few words.Yesterday; he seemed to be tiring out and started getting restless... and it went downhill so quickly.This morning; I found myself on top of his bed; pumping his chest vigorously; doing chest compressions (CPR). Not trying to revive him because there is just no more quality of life left even if he survives this... but out of respect for his family waiting anxiously, nervously, uncertainly outside our curtained room. We pumped for about half an hour... As I was up there on the bed; with all of my body's weight on his sternal bone; I looked at his face; and my grandpa's face came flashing by a few times. I tried my hardest not to get my emotions involved.I stared at his face for awhile. He was pretty much gone already. I was pumping on a dead body; soul-less...only he hadn't yet been pronounced dead.He eyes were upwards. His mouth was wide open with huge amounts of dry, clotted blood around his lips and out the endotracheal tube (the breathing tube)... I didn't know what to think but to continue my pumping efforts.There was no point in pursuing this further but we did it for the family. He went down in only 2 days.Exactly the same diagnosis as my grandpa.Pneumonia leading to septic shock and onto multiorgan failure with him developing acute renal failure (kidneys shutdown) and a heart attack at the very end.I looked at him; we cleaned him up and someone went to speak to the family outside... As I walked out of the room as patiently and calmly as I could to wash my hands; I stole a couple of glances at the crying family members... and remember exactly what it felt like just 6 months back when we were in their shoes.I wonder why we don't push the family members to decide against active resuscitation sometimes... it's so much better that way.I questioned the humanity behind all the needle pricks; the pain they experience; the sensation of being surrounded by more than 5 doctors despite all of us being super nice and warm; can you imagine how scary, lonely and painful it is. Sometimes being tubed with no sedation which is possibly the most uncomfortable, horrendous experience with a thick tube down your breathing hole..whilst you are conscious and unable to move ...They will just wish for you to stop and let them go.Sometimes I wonder if all our efforts of poking them constantly; them being in the hospital; that all likely adds to their downhill progress........ if they're heading that way.It's so sad. So heart-wrenching sometimes... I don't know what to do for them when they're lying there while 4 doctors are trying to get a line. One on each limb; feeling for a vein or a pulsating artery.Sometimes; they look at me helplessly and I feel guilty. All I can do is stand; stare at them in the eye as humanely as I can; and stroke their ski. And say what we are doing is for them to get better... and to just bear with it for a bit and hope they understand... that it is our job.It's been such a long, long day. We had another new admission almost the end of our working hour today and that patient seemed to be heading the same way as the one this morning. And I wonder if he'll be gone when I get to work tomorrow morning...I just came back from a rushed trip down to Johor because my great-great grandmother just passed away.May you rest in peace.
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1:21 AM;;
Sunday, February 15, 2009
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11:00 PM;;
As I'm typing this, I am stuffed. The whole weekend was FOOD-filled.In just tea time alone, my family of BIG-eaters had ordered lots of sweets in the Bharat Tea plantation in Cameron Highlands. I devoured 2 scones with fresh strawberry jam, one slice of carrot cake and one half of chocolate cream cake. We just had 3 kgs of crab meat for dinner. And I had mmm... 3 man taos along with that =) That's alright... Daddy says we're going to start eating healthily come tomorrow onwards. Let's see how successful that is.Our Cameron Highlands weekend was superb. Other than the vast amount of food we gobbled on; scones and tea; cheesecakes; chocolates; strawberries, fried sweet potato balls; apom (my favourite!); steamboat... We visited: Tea plantations. Strawberry farms. Rose garden. Cactus valley. Honey bee farm. The Aboriginal Settlement. Two waterfalls. Fresh farmer's markets. Pasar malam.Dad bought 20 corns. Reason being; they were cheap -.-We bought more than 10 boxes of fresh strawberries.I bought the sisters strawberries dipped in chocolate fondue =) We had a silly time sticking our heads into those head holes on the strawberry-painted cardboards ;) and laughing at the penis-shaped cactuses... Daddy flirting with the lady selling strawberries ;) and then, bought roses for dearest mummy on V-day and for us too =) Four of us monkeys climbing up the tea plantation all the way to the peak, and just standing there at the top was such an amazing experience.The wind against our faces; just gazing out into the breathtaking rows of green grass and picture-perfect blue sky and the blue-green mountain just behind the tea plantation. Cheeky laughter. Cheesy remarks. Sleeping in the car whilst daddy's driving. Taking ice-cold showers... Mummy & Daddy taking loving pictures and us- vain ones too ;) Waking up early to enjoy the fresh morning dew with daddy and Sze-Sze.Climbing up & down the slope with mummy and making sure she doesn't fall wearing her high heels -.-' ;) Come Monday tomorrow; I'm starting work at the hospital and daddy will be driving me.They know my name when I phoned them up on Friday; it should be a pretty wicked 3 weeks' on =) At least I won't rot in boredom!
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7:09 PM;;
