and when she speaks
Saturday, July 11, 2009
I think the biggest compliment anyone can give to me is when it is regarding my patients.I gave Erica a big goodbye hug today because it was my very last day in my gyn clinic rotation. I had formed a close bond with the two main nurses Maria and Erica... They warmed up to me within the first week; and I laughed when Erica said this to me today twice..."What are you doing in Medicine? You should switch to Obs/Gyn"and then, the sweetest thing I had heard all day :"I really liked how you handled your patients"That compliment- Was something I thought that really came from her heart; and definitely brought a warm glow to my own heart and mind :) I had also become quite close to the few medical students; and taught them all I knew about gyn histories. Hey- one of my most initial ambitions was to become a teacher :) So now I get to be both- a doctor and a teacher: and it is possibly the most rewarding profession ever.I love what I do.The next rotation will be from 7pm to 7am. Despite having to reverse my body clock soon- I am actually looking forward to it. This one will be the real deal. The real medicine.It will be more thrilling. Challenging. And exhilarating. But I am certain despite the weird wonky hours and I'm sure positively tedious answering to constant pagering from people all over- I will enjoy it :) ---Wednesday: Dessert and a non-alcoholic martini with Luke @ the John Hancock Tower in the Signature Lounge on the 96th floor :) The view was absolutely breathtaking overlooking the whole of chicago's nightlights :)Thursday: Photo-taking and exploring the beautiful scenic LakeMichigan and Millenium Park with Cheah. We ventured into the marina and took it all in. The blue sea. The crisp clean summer air. The warm sun. Was introduced to a pretty famous yoghurt store :) where we were given extra goodies cos the lady liked us so much ;) *hehe*Friday: Went off to Gaurang's Housewarming party :) Met lots of new people :) :) and played ping-pong as well there :) *yayyy* Turns out I have many similarities to some of the people I met; and we connected pretty well :) It's amazing how good chemistry can form between strangers so quickly :) Sat with Carlos at noon conference today; and found out he has been working pretty hard as well but he's much better now that he has no more fears (good for him!) and after I told him about my story; he had the nerve to laugh and say 'No no, no tears from me. I'm not a woman' *pfffttt* acting all macho :pTo-do:-Sat: Christine's housewarming party/potluck @ night Hopefully, dim sum with the gang :) *hehehe* here comes my char siew bao again ;)Sun: Dinner with David Park (this is long overdue)Mon: change my body clock and get it to start working nights instead ;)Tuesday: meet-up with Lucia hopefullly....
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4:23 PM;;
Friday, July 10, 2009
Work became much better the next day.I had an amazing time. Not because he wasn't a jerk to me; I saw he was also pretty cold and blunt to the other intern from another department, though he was extremely sweet to another one.But the reason why I was so happy that day after work...though I had patients from back-to-back was because-my patients were satisfied and came out happy with their treatment.A few of them had asked 'WAIT. How long have you been a resident? How long have you worked here?'I laughed on the inside. I know their fears weren't unfounded ;) I do look pretty young and tiny in my swimming XS labcoat ;)'You have been so nice and helpful. You've been such a great help. Thank you.''Thank you doctor..... have a great day!'Another one wanted me to follow her for her care - since she wanted a new internist.To my very last patient that day:I said to her after she questioned me : "I've only been a resident for 2 weeks; I understand if you're not comfortable with me doing it; that's alright with me... don't worry, it's your choice." whilst I was prepping the stirrups to do the pap smear.She replied back: 'No no' and she smiled.'You've made me feel pretty comfortable since I came in; and you look like you know what you're doing'That brought a big smile and feeling of satisfaction inside :)And I went on doing great pap smears that day. Solo. =) I couldn't have been happier.I have to say I treated and had thought of all my management plans very carefully. And I'm proud to say I was pretty thorough :) Maria; the main nurse there said to the med students : 'She should quit medicine and come join us in ob/gyn':) :) This is to all my patients. And for more to come.
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9:12 AM;;
Thursday, July 09, 2009
The second day at work was nasty.I remember, walking out the hospital, holding myself together- not letting them fall... and then, I needed to talk to someone- Mum didn't pick up because it was 5 in the morning back at home. I knew I shouldn't phone them- I didn't want them to worry... Then, I phoned Lucia- And right there, beside the train station, the tears fell. I let it all out; it just came pouring.My supervisor was so mean to me; I had never encountered/ neither expected- an attending who was such a mean person.That was the reason why I was placed there- I'm not going to do it for my future career- I'm in medicine; not in obs/gyn... I have had months of experience doing pap smears before- but it was only that day for the very first time; I had ever clipped a patient's cervix and didn't dare take the speculum out. I don't know how it happened- but it did for the second time; he helped me out- then just left & slammed the room door in front of my patient. He could have been more respectful; instead of acting so childishly. In hindsight, I look back and realise it's not me- it was him.I apologised to him out in the front; and we were in front of residents and med students- but he said blatantly to me 'You need a lot of practise'. I knew that and I was fine with that, but that's why medicine interns are placed in gyn clinic- to LEARN how to do them. So I asked him 'What did I do wrong? How could I have prevented it?'And he gave me this disdainful look... and you could tell he didn't even bother thinking what I did wrong... 'I don't know' in the most mean fake smile- *Go figure it out yourself. Don't ask me. I'm not going to bother with you* He was really rude to me; and then, he just signed off my patient; I just felt the tone he spoke to me with was lower than one to a human being. I felt so miserable- but I had to hold it together- and go back to my patients... I would never do anything that will make my patients feel uncomfortable- I always give them my all- all of my compassion and all of my bedside manners- I would never do anything to hurt them or intentionally make them worse off.I had to go on and finish. Then, I left for home... and that was when I needed to talk to someone. And Lucia so happened- was post call and picked up my phone call. I cried it out to her- * but it was so silly of me*And she said she'd cry with me. And we both semi-laughed in our own tears... *hahaha*She has had it worse off than me; she's been crying since work started... Intern year makes you the best of friends-through the sharing of tears and laughter like this. The start of our rollercoaster life eh? *lol*No more. I realised now how silly I was to let that affect me in such a multitude. He's an arsehole;a jerk -if he doesn't want to teach. That's fine by me. Thanks for that.I spoke to karl, Brian and Cheah...and then, mum at night :) *I love you mummy* :) The most important thing : is my responsibility to my patients.As long as I treat them the best way I possibly can, there's nothing else for me to think about.I'm here for them, no one else. "The only taste of success some people get is when they take a bite out of you"And I'm not going to ever let that happen again.You can choose not to teach me. But you cannot choose to wipe out this determination and willpower of mine.
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10:22 PM;;
Monday, July 06, 2009
*MY DEAREST BEST BUD KATHRYN SAYS HI to everyone!**blush- I'm obviously 'forced' to write this ;)* she's on Skype with me.I quote her : 'What's wrong? It's cute.funny. and original' :) I still love you.And I would like to give her a heartiest big fat juicy SHOUTOUT:- HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHRYN !!!!!!!I love you. You've been there for me through thick and thin; and we've been friends for more than a decade- and I wish you all the sweet things in life: joy, love, ME :P, great health and prosperity (so you can get me a full two-way flight ticket to Bora-Bora) P.S. She defines "fabulosity" according to her ;) and calls herself a 'rock star' :P Yes, she likes to inflate her own ego (lol)Today I went to get my prepaid card for text and messaging. I haven't been able to receive all my sms-es and neither have I been able to reply sms-es... it's been really troublesome, some friends have had to be the liaison to get through to me :) :)Was supposed to have brunch with Luke and then bring some food over to Lucia.But she never paged me back. Also I woke up a bit later than expected.I went out with my housemate, Karl- we went hunting for char siew bao in 3 Chinese restaurants in Chinatown; triple happiness; triple crown and won kow! *laughs*We wanted to sample which restaurant had the best char siew bao. We ended up getting a huge array of dimsum for lunch and over-eating! :) whilst watching Revolver.... (a weird movie on mind-games and battle with your inner id/ego)Then, Cheah came over to drag me over for ping-pong :) Semi-thrashed the boys for ping-pong *kidding la* a few great shots and I call myself the 'thrasher' - damn perasan* :P But this was what Sai hei wrote to me : "I hear you're quite the badass in png-pong" :pDamn- now the expectations are super high (hahaha) - ;PWed: Dessert/ Drinks at signature lounge up in the john hancock's building
Fri: Housewarming party
Sat: Potluck/ housewarming party :)xoxoxo
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10:58 AM;;
Sunday, July 05, 2009
This whole weekend- though it's not the end of it yet has been nothing less than wonderful.
I've done so much in such a short span of time :) I find it incredulous; cos I have to admit I'm a lazy bum... unless I'm semi-pushed to go out; I won't really ;)Today; I woke up at 10.30am despite sleeping only at 3am, thanks to the bright summer sun shining through the window.Then Hud and I skyped; and I "forced" him to serenade me *laughs*. He played and sang (really well) Kings of Leon "Used somebody"- which he introduced me to. Wonderful voice.Then, I headed out with my housemate, Karl. Initially I wanted to shop along Michigan ave but I didnt know it was raining; then Karl asked me what I was planning on doing- and (I hadnt wanted to follow him to another BBQ-cos I didnt want to eat another burger!) but I gave in; cos I wanted to do something today! ;) so I followed him; to another BBQ party downtown; this time it was Yuval and Mette's Danish friends from Denmark. Met more people; and enjoyed myself :) To be honest with you, the moment I entered that apartment, I felt like a "kid" literally. As you already know I'm not very tall- these Danish people are astonishingly tall; most ladies above 5 feet 8! But the best part was if I hadn't gone with Karl, I was sure Karl would have been the youngest there! The average age was around 28 to 38! And then, here this lil ciku comes in; so young and puny.... *inside I was actually laughing cos I did fit in* :) well they were very friendly people :) I exchanged facebook contact with Maija- and together with Casper, Katherine and Henry ; who all made us feel so at home :) Then, Karl and I headed off to shop - Poor guy- I had wanted sunnies; and he wanted khakis- but in the end, because it was Independence Day- the shops closed much earlier which we hadn't known of course- so we ended up cabbing it home. And that trip was a total waste- *lol* and Karl ended up buying a pair of expensive socks from Kenneth Cole and bandaids - cos his skin was grazed :p After arriving home for about 20 minutes; it was time to join the other people for a movie. I ended up watching 2 movies : Public enemies and Ice age 3 with Cheah, Chai Ling, Sai Hei and Geok Huey :) It's 3am. I have lots to do tomorrow...I'm thoroughly enjoying myself- and I have to say this.I know how lucky I am to have such amazing people around me. These friends whom I couldnt have asked for more- have been very supportive and constantly keep a lookout for me. Sometimes I feel despite being a doctor and supposedly "a grown-up adult", they still look after me as I'm one of the youngest in the group; I find it so warm-hearted of them. I just thank my lucky stars to be surrounded by these wonderful people.
To both my housemates who have been a huge help and who are both amazingly warm-hearted & generous guys: Brian and Karl - *thank you very much*
This weekend, when Brian left for NYC to be with Sandy, Karl was @ home; and he's been really great- taking me out with him to his BBQ invites and introducing new people to me; and making sure I've been comfortable and doing ok... I need to get him some chocolates now! *lol*And then to the others (the non medical people) : CHEAH - I'm so lucky he was 'in-between employment' so we could do the touristy things: Planetarium, Shedd Aquarium, Taste of Chicago, Field Museum, and who's been a major help in me doing auntie-shopping for furnitures so I don't have to live out of my luggage ;) MAX (NYC who I heard from gaik huey has been so nice to let them know Im in Chicago and am new in town) :) Gaik Huey says : 'I already heard so much about the new girl in town before I met you. Your reputation precedes you' - and that shows how close and tight-knit the Malaysian group is here :) and all the other friends who've been there for me.. Sandy (Brian's girlfriend) who's been an amazing companion during the week she was here :)And needless to say- to my medical intern friends :) We call each other up and leave voicemail messages or facebook emails whether to rant/cry/complain or to ask how we're all doing :) :)Much love
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3:48 PM;;
