and when she speaks
Saturday, October 16, 2010
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10:01 PM;;
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Mariam and I feel like we've been in the hospital everyday since we started this rotation. I couldn't agree more. I haven't seen Christine in a month - outside of the hospital. And inside the hospital, I've only seen her twice- once for lunch for like 15 minutes, and the second time was yesterday during our brutal 8 hour exam... -.-' and now I'm on call------ and counting down! But plans are coming up! THank goodness- I deserve it, really. Sai sent an email out to the team for a team dinner next Friday. Her email cracked me up... She was saying how me/Sharon (my intern) we're the MICU on our floor! WE are the blackest clouds on 10/11! Either we get slammed with admits, or we get extremely sick/unstable patients =( and everybody else only gets 3-4 admits... :(This Friday:- Dinner with Aaron and friends (FRENCH Belgian!) at Home BistroSaturday: Celebrating dear Yvonne's Birthday with Malaysian food!! Sunday- CALL :(Monday- Post-call but another doctor's talk at Harry Caray's Steakhouse with the FLIP gang :)Friday- Post-call ALSO but I'm presenting at Northwestern University - so, I'll be without sleep from Thursday 6am til Friday 7.30pm when the competition ends. Followed by TEAM Dinner at Valencia or Babareeba! So- no SLEEP for ~ 50 plus hours. CRAZY! But I'm looking forward to Friday! :)
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4:28 PM;;
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I am so thankful for having such amazing friends. This goes out to Aaron, Chee and Beth for being there that night *thank you so much* :)
This morning, I woke up to mummy writing on my facebook profile statement:
"Hi luv hope all goes well for u luv. Don't worry luv luck is always by your side, you are a wonderful doctor. It's your calling. You will do well, remember every obstacle will only make u more resilient. luv u lots"
That was so sweet of her :)
On a great note, my patients in clinic are doing so well! Today the second patient said to her niece in front of me "Oh, I love my doctor!"
She was almost in tears in the exam room because she has done so well.
I'm so proud of her.
I love what I do.
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6:47 AM;;
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Everyday is a learning curve- only it can be so steep sometimes. Especially because lives are in your hands. And you end up questioning your decisions. Even more so when it's so acute, that you really just have to do what you have to do. I guess what's most important is that we all learn something from it for the next one to come.
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8:40 AM;;
Monday, October 11, 2010
Carrot nut muffin was my breakfast on call =) My intern paged me this morning post-call after a crazy night, "I bought a bagel for you. I'm on 11K"*smiles* How sweet :) Last night, or rather after midnight on 10/10/10- everything went crazy. Patients were crashing on me. Blood Pressure dropping, not responding to fluids! I transferred 3 down to the ICU (the very last transfer was almost a CODE! As soon as that patient went down, and I came back up to the floors, I heard them page overhead 'Anesthesia On call' THREE times') - I knew that was the patient I had just sent down in the nick of time.When I was transferring the second one down to the ICU and following that patient down in the elevator- my pager went off - ANOTHER patient became acutely unresponsive, febrile, hypertensive from baseline of sBP 110s to 180s - and started desaturating to the 80s. He was rock solid the entire day until 5 ish am. Just went I thought transferring 2 patients down before 6am, I had an hour of peace before the teams came to work- this guy crashed on me.Could feel his pulse- but it was so faint. I was talking to him 'Mr..., stay with me. Squeeze my fingers'. He was awake, but there was no response from his fingers. He was mumbling and somnolent.Tried to get an ABG. Couldn't. The BP cuff could not get a reading, despite changing the machines twice. It was havoc. But we got a BP from the cuff over his leg with a SBP of 140.Next thing I knew, when the nurses came from the ICU to collect him, his BP was barely palpable. How could it have dropped so quickly when just minutes ago I felt his peripheral pulses? We called Pharmacy to tube up Levophed to us- earlier just in case but it wasn't tubed on time. So then I said to 'run fluids wide open STAT'.Crazy night. But I felt like a real senior. Definitely, was an eventful night- but I left feeling more capable than I've ever felt.With patients crashing on you, everyone looks to you to make the decisions. There is no time to worry or feel stressed. You do what you need to do to get them stable.Priority # 1. Came home, showered- next thing I knew I fell asleep for 5 hours straight on my bed with the towel still wrapped on my head *laughs*! I didn't even realize how exhausted I was. But it was a great great call. My colleagues saw me this morning when the crash cart was outside that patient's room- and later came up to me 'Sueyi, what luck you have! Slammed on my first 2 calls. And with this call, no new admits, but super super sick patients!' I laughed..... Bring on the challenges. I felt like a real doctor- making decisions that make the difference between life and death - in acute situations.*damn, I actually feel good* *laughs*
Sai said this to me this morning when I signed out: 'Sueyi, you have so much going for you.'
I smiled at her and kept that resonating at the back of my head.
I'm pretty damn proud of myself. I gave her a high five and left the floor.
- Sai Hei got me a sugar cookie as a treat! And Beth was so sweet, said she wants to bring me food for dinner! - What amazing, caring friends! :)
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8:20 AM;;
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I'm lucky.I have love from my family and terrific caring supportive friends. Friends from all over the world, who have always been there for me. Even when I make silly mistakes. Even when I've constantly pestered them. Friends who listen, and tell me what I need to hear. Friends who have stuck by me for more than a decade *haha* Friends who understand me and believe in me. Friends who comfort me, and are always willing to provide that supportive ear/shoulder. I don't know what I do to deserve them- both my family and friends.And I love my job. I feel so blessed. I have so much going for me, and I am very very thankful. I'm typing this in the call room- and despite being on call, it's been a great day.Benson pat my shoulder when I said 'Oh F! (cos I thought with the CCU and ICU being full, they'll transfer to us *shudder*)' *laughs* Then, he left me his dark-chocolate raisins in the call room! *and I finished them already!!* :) Dr Leslie joking saying 'It'll make your career if this gets published in BLOOD!' I laughed and hoped inside and crossed my fingers! James calling me 'Su-YEI!' and I corrected him 'SUE-YI!'. Sharon (my intern) being so funny and not embarassed to say 'I'll BLOCK all ADMITS!' at the top of her voice.My patient always smiling when I see her. A text from Evan this morning - about being strong for the people we care around us. My two amazing friends with plumber-like skills unclogging my bath-tub last night. It was so sweet of them to come in such short notice! ;) Thanks Cheah and Sai Hei! Aaron volunteering to be Ahmed- ;) *driver* for food outings! Elaine sending me a private email inviting me to the 'most important day of her life'- for her wedding next year in Kuching. Mum gave her approval! :) Hilda's phone call yesterday and ever supportive heart-and honesty. She said 'COME TO MINNESOTA, Sueyi!' There will always be people who walk in and out of your life.I'm a person who will avoid conflicts. I have this (call me naive) mindset where I hope everyone gets along with everyone, but we all know that's not the real world. I've learnt it's important to see people for their strengths and to give everyone a chance, including yourself. Life is so short, so precious. Fill it up and make the conscious effort to show your loved ones you appreciate them, you love them, you care for them. And go and enjoy what life has to offer =) and don't be afraid to chase your dreams, and be the very best you can be. Lots of loveSue-Sue
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4:33 AM;;
Yesterday, I went for Korean BBQ with Aaron, Beth, Su Meng and Raymond @ San Soo Gab San.We stuffed ourselves silly - and smelt like BBQ after! *teehee*Before that though, I came down in the elevator in my building with a bunch of people in their 20s. I walked out of my building waiting for Aaron to come pick me up. Whilst standing on the side lane, one of the guys who were in the elevator looked at me who was now on his own, jokingly asked 'Waiting for me?'I laughed and shook my head no He laughed back, saying 'I'm just kidding'.Then he walked over to me, and introduced himself and stuck his hand out for a handshake."Hi, my name is .... What's yours?"So I went "Hi, I'm Sueyi"He continued with further introductions and casual questions. 'So do you live here?'"Yeah, I rent an apartment here""How do you like it?""I like it""I was looking to buy an apartment in this building...I already have two in the city, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to get one here."We went on for a few minutes talking about the apartment. Then, he told me he had just purchased an apartment in my building and told me his Apt #. I asked if he had a view of the lake, he replied YES. "Good!" And I gave a thumbs up. Then, he told me 'I'll be throwing lots of parties and I'll invite you.'I smiled back.Then, he gave me a smile and said 'I hope to see you around.';) *innocent flirting*
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2:39 AM;;
