and when she speaks
Friday, November 12, 2010
Sometimes you do things you could never imagine. Things you would have thought insanely ridiculous.
Perhaps downright nutty. But some would call it passionate, your heart's call. A spur-of-the-moment thing.
I did something like that today. Went for it, didn't even give it a second thought.
I had all of the sympathetic nervous system manifestations. Palpitations. Sweaty palms. Nausea deep in my gut- really was 'gut-wrenching'. To the point of a near-diarrhea episode. Ok, so maybe this is too much detail for you to muster ;)
Of course, someone masterminded it- but that someone and I laughed over it after that. It's funny how a friend and I reconnected after 9 years of not seeing each other, over this. But damn, do I have guts. I really can't explain what drove me to do it. Maybe just the thought of going for it. Not knowing. And that nagging sensation of what if? If not now, then never. They always say if you don't try, you'll never know. Or if you want something, you should go all out.
And I had had this feeling for awhile. I would have continued questioning and wondering what the answer was. And this would have continued. Until today of course, with my super brazen (I'm ordinarily a big-time coward) self.
It was the first time, I did something so out of this world. Something that will only be exposed if I do write an autobiography if I become someone important/big *lol*
He felt so guilty after that. And told me he was a hopeless romantic. I realised that, of course :p
And I said 'It's ok. Some people live their lives with more passion than others. '
He laughed. And added 'We're men, you know. Without women, we're pointless.'
I teased him for putting down his own fellow brothers. Then, he laughed and said 'it's true.'
I still can't believe it. But you know. In a strange sort of way, it wasn't all that bad. Although the person at the other end said this 'crap is straight out from the movies'- and I called him a 'cynic and an oldie' ;) at least I got what I wanted. An answer. And no more questioning. No more nagging 'what ifs?'. I needed that. And I got an additional warmy hug too, at the end of it :) I'm sure he was taken aback, but it went well. Of course, he still thinks it was crazy and ridiculous. And after this incident, I'm sure normalcy will resume ;) because nothing can beat that. Damn, that was utterly crazy, and unimaginable- on my part. Why? I don't even know! But I just DID.
Truth be told, I felt a sense of calm. I know it sounds weird. And then I thought to myself, damn* do I have guts. *laughs* Of course, not everyone would have thought it was gutsy. But it really takes courage, and this I know for sure- cos nobody can pull it off. Cos it really is out of this world.
If I look at it lightly, (nobody got hurt- thats the most important bit-because everybody was being mature ;)) - it's actually really funny because it's so crazy. I think years down the road, I will look back and say *damn, I could never do anything like this again*- AND I most likely will NEVER. It will also make a damn good story if I ever were to write it in my book next time.
I came home. Then, I reflected some more. *I think I truly am one of a kind - lol* I don't think I could ever pull a stunt like that ever again. Or anybody could have pulled that off with as much grace as I did - *this is crazy talk* I'm sure someone I know really well will either roll his eyes, or think I've gone quack. I give :)
Oh yes- speaking of grace. My dad says that's what my name means in Chinese.
And aww- I just got a text from a colleague of mine- which made my night! 'You're very pretty, Sueyi. I thought I'd tell you that. I was looking at you today thinking 'She really looks great'. Anyway, hope you have a great time at clinic today.'
=) I still can't believe I did it. But you know what, I think fun times are up ahead. If I can do this, I think I can go and do anything now. *laughs*
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Recapitulation of two great days after work:
Yesterday:- Dr Venu saw me in clinic, 'Sue, what are you doing here?'
"Oh I'm on heme clinic" He said 'Fantastic! Very good!'
Then he told me, he had already sent in my letter :) *smiles*
He taught me so much at clinic, I loved it. My first patient I saw in clinic was nervous... then, halfway through our consultation, she said 'You should go into oncology. You have a very calming presence. I feel very comfortable and at ease with you.'
I gave her a big smile, and said 'Aw, you're so sweet. Thank you. I am going into oncology. In fact, I'm applying for it in a weeks' time!' ;)
Later in the day, Dr Venu was so cute. He went 'Sue, you should go now. It's 4.30pm.'
I said 'Don't worry Dr Venu. I'm ok, I'll stay (cos he still had patients in the clinic)'. He was surprised, and asked 'Are you sure?'. I laughed 'Yes of course Dr Venu'. He then gave me a big cheeky smile and said, 'OK!' and quickly ran out to see the next patient.
Then, after seeing my last patient, he hurried for me to go home. He waved at me bye- before I even finished writing up the chart! He's too sweet!
I walked into the student's lounge- and bumped into Carlos. We hugged like 3 times, and chatted for awhile. It was so great to catch up with him, after so long. He disappeared into UoC for his genetics rotation, so that's why he was missing in action!
THen, I bumped into Beth- who took the train home with me, and we caught up about her NYC trip which she recently just got back from. Then, I did some shopping and bought myself a hot green halter top :)
Today, was even more fun! I worked with Dr Gezer, who was also another sweetheart. He told me 'I know you're applying. I will keep my eyes out for any interesting cases for you'. I laughed and said 'Dr Gezer, I'm applying in a weeks' time!' then told him that I am going all out for this.
He agreed, and shook my hand and thanked me for my efforts with him in the clinic this morning. Then, he said 'I'll see you in clinic tomorrow morning!'
My second patient, an old man who was the sweetest male patient. But he lost his 86 year old wife 2 months ago, from disease. He said to me 'True love is the most beautiful thing.' I stood there just listening to him go on about love. It made my heart flutter and so in awe. I felt so humbled, I couldn't help but etch a big deep, warm smile. I could see after that, his thoughts went to his wife... cos he stared straight for a bit.
Then, he asked me if I was married. I laughed and said I don't have time now, because of applications coming up. Then, he joked 'Men are no good.' I laughed. He said 'It's true. These days, men are only interested in having many women and into some action. I tell my boys all the time, you only need one woman in your life. Someone special. But they don't see it. They think it's manly to have 2 or three women.' He said to me 'You're pretty, smart, professional, independent- you need a great guy.' Then he went on 'Trust and love is all you need.' I could just stand there listening to him preach about love all day.
It melted my heart. I am sure he loved his wife tremendously. She passed away really quickly within a week, and before that, she was as healthy as a horse. I felt so bad for him.
Then, at the end, he asked for my name card- and asked if I had my own clinic. I have a strong feeling I just added another patient to my own clinic :)
What was even more wonderful, was how he validated me in front of my new boss- he said 'She did a great job.' My heart brimmed.
The last patient of the day, also after I brought in my boss- was trying hard to look at my nametag, and complimented me. Then, Dr Gezer added (much to my shyness already!) 'Isn't she great?' looking at me! I couldn't help but blush.
Then, in the afternoon, with my own clinic patients, the first one came over and gave me a big hug- and thanked me. I certainly did not see that one coming, but she cried on me. SHe was previously in a physically abusive relationship- and suffered severe anxiety as a result of that.
I think I'm really made for this field. I love forming that special bond with my patients. I could do this forever- and be in love with this job forever.
*lol* mummy is going to say I'm a workaholic. But seriously, nothing else gives me this much joy, satisfaction and fulfilment in life. I'm proud of what I can do to help them, even if its just a conversation that gives them hope, and encouragement.
Monday, November 08, 2010
Was craving so badly for pancakes. Really wanted to eat at Bongo Room to have their specialty- the chocolate tower french toast! But our photoshoot was pushed a few hours earlier so we could capture the light earlier in the afternoon- so I wouldnt have made it in time for that...
Called Sai Hei up, who walked with me- but there were no pancake/great brunch areas near us, where there wasn't a long queue- so we ended up eating at Portillo's! with their Italian beef sandwich and their famous Chicago hot dog. Then, I had my photoshoot with Ray, Su Meng and Xiao. Met up with Aaron as well! It was such a fun day. Met new friends, and had an amazing time with Su Meng, Ray and Xiao. Su Meng and Ray are great, big-hearted people.
We then had TOM YUM :) at an authentic Thai restaurant up north =) and then, they dropped me home. I hope to stay in Chicago for fellowship - since I have such a great big support network here already... *keeping my fingers crossed*
Sunday, November 07, 2010
I love my skype sessions with family at home.They never cease to make me feel so loved. And make me laugh. And miss home even more. Family is everything to me.