and when she speaks
Saturday, November 01, 2008
A young doctor I met this morning was pretty smooth and suave.
So we met whilst I was having some trouble with the coffee machine in the radiology room.
And then - fast forward; he's asked me for my mobile number- which truthfully, I haven't bothered memorising yet!! (because I've had 3 different handphone numbers in the US since I came!) and then, he was saying 'Don't forget to get my email from Dr.....'
'Nice meeting you Sueyi' twice.
And he cleverly included earlier if I wanted any suggestions of great eats, to contact him ;)
He's so YOUNG but he's already an ATTENDING doctor-meaning he's already specialised!
And he's cute tooo =)
*hehehehe* girlish laugh
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6:12 PM;;
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5:30 PM;;
Friday, October 31, 2008
I still think red hair and the short bob does not suit me.I like my own long black hair better =)
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1:16 PM;;
I cannot believe it.I am going to be a french maid.with red hair.HOW un-me.Lots of love.It's for Halloween tomorrow night and Nan's BIrthday party on Sat.The friggin dress is so friggin short. Can even see the butt UU lines.-.-
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12:16 PM;;
"When the goin starts to get rough,
and you feel like you've had enough,
let the music take control of your soul
Take a chance and do what you feel,
Your voice, they cannot live without it
You gotta break the chain
There's a passion inside
Inner strength that drives
Can't nobody take that away from you
Its the greatest high
Set the floor on fire
When you come alive"
Last night, when I was studying for today's exam, some tears were shed.
Thank goodness, mum was on the other line.
It was news so unexpected... and it was something really important -related to my work and my future residency application.
I won't divulge what it was- but I broke down when I read the email.
I was in the midst of working for my big exam and my dermatology residency application which closes tomorrow.
(As most of you know, derm is highly competitive in the US. It's so competitive, that when I told one of the radiology residents that I am applying to derm, the reaction was 'Oh, you must be really smart.' That's because with the stiff competition, only those with strong enough academics can apply.)
That said, I had two big things on my plate.
The feeling of rejection from that email was painful.
Not that it was a school rejecting my application, of course- now that wouldn't be the painful enough to make me cry. For that, I'll leave it to fate- If I don't get it, at least I tried and I'll try again in the near future.
It was an email written so harshly, so crudely, so blatantly demeaning... and I remember shaking my head unbelievably reading it... feeling hopelessly shocked and taken aback.
Mum was with me when it happened.
I'm so glad for mum. She's such a tough cookie. I told her I have to be tougher. I need a stronger shell... or I won't survive in this world. Funnily enough, she said 'No girl...' to that. I don't want to harden myself so much, especially when I don't want to be those kind of doctors who lack emotions and empathy.
She said in a way it's a good lesson. Although it was not my fault. Some people you just can't judge, sometimes it's just them - and not you. I can't think of anything I did wrong. And I already knew- that this person I was dealing with ( a person of power) was widely known in the department to be 'eccentric' or else better known as a 'freak' by the people working with him. I had never experienced it before, and I thought they were just being too judgemental.
Until last night when the email came.
Mum said, I've been meeting all the nice people all along, so this experience is great for me- to show me what this world can be made of, that there are mean people out there, and crude people. I am not naive. I know there are, but she's right. I have been so lucky, meeting really nice people along the way that somehow I lost touch with that part of reality.
There are people who can break your heart sometimes.
I doubted myself and was saying 'I shouldn't have this..and that.' when in actual fact, I really did nothing at all. When the news came whilst it was close to midnight, I remember going 'I don't need this news now not with what I have to deal with'..
Then, I realized instead of making myself feel so bad, why let it affect me? I don't need your favor all that desperately. And I am certainly not going to blame others for speaking my mind like you suggested. I believe you have a major character flaw but I am not going to harp on it.
What's done is done.
What's over is over.
I'm not going to let this affect me anymore, neither am I going to let this stop me from pursuing what I want.
You can choose not to help me, but you cannot break my spirit.
This was definitely an unexpected dealt. But the tears I cried last night was a good reminder that it's so important to take good care of myself. You have to be your own cheerleader, especially when the world seems so cruel to you at times.
I like to call that cheerleader my pom-pom.
I know my parents cannot always be there for me, cannot help me make my decisions, and cannot help me beat up those cruel brutes. But they've always been there to listen, to comfort and to guide. And for that, I am so grateful.
I love you all so much. I'm so glad for the tremendous support I have from you all. *muacks* It's so nice to hear my parents wish me luck for my exam this morning and then 3 minutes later, I get a phone call from my sisters wishing me luck too =)
Hold on to the faith in yourself. Hold your head up high.
But most importantly, hold on steadfastly to your dreams.
That said- I completed USMLE Step 2 CK today. And am utterly exhausted.
Thank U to those who wished me good luck =) You guys are so thoughtful :)
I am definitely looking forward to tomorrow's parties =)
It's time to let my hair down and have fun! *hehe* I've been having way too much fun in NYC la... =) OH I'm also looking forward to going back to radiology tomorrow =)
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6:23 AM;;
Thursday, October 30, 2008
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6:10 AM;;
Tomorrow's the big day =)Carmela, my 4th year radiology resident from Spain is such a sweetheart. She told me Dr Mennitt wasn't coming in today, so I should take the day off to study for my exam tomorrow ;)Wei Boon is in Cornell as well. Yesterday, we were both studying in the library... then, it was raining heavily at night. Luckily he had his umbrella or else I'd have been soaked wet running to the bus stop. He wanted to study til 8pm initially, but by 6.ish pm, I was getting tired and so told him I was going to go. Then he thought he should leave to. I asked about his sudden change of decision- *heheh* It was because he remembered he's living in Harlem- where a Chinese skin like him would stick out like a fluorescent light in the land of the dark =P *hahaha*So many plans for this weekend. I cannot wait.I'm so excited.Halloween parties. Don't know if Boon is still going on with his Connecticut trip, if he is, I'm joining in =) Bak kut teh on Saturday... And I'm taking Boon for my touristy sight-seeing exploration (he knows I won't let him of the hook la....*hahaha*) *ARGH*a few more hours to go.
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5:42 AM;;
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I love Weill Cornell.
Only my first day but I loved it.
Plus *heheh* soooo many hotties in radiology =)
*laughs in disgust at my shameless self* =P
Of course thats not why I love it.
I was allocated MRI but I get to read X rays, CAT scans, Ultrasound and PET scans! How marvellous is that?
PLus my attending doctor - I didnt even introduce myself- he got my name (my full name Sueyi) right. I told him I was pretty impressed too ;P
He showed me around the hospital. and sounded really enthusiastic and wanted this to be one of my best learning experiences ever.
And I was shown the radiology department's website- and they had this fun page of residents' wedding pictures, nude pictures of so-and-so and jokes about each & everyone of them.
If I knew radiology was so fun and so interactive in its own way, I might have just thought about it!
*love*
Back to studying for Step 2 CK.
Only 3 more days......
Yeah man... so MANY hotties =P
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6:18 AM;;
Sunday, October 26, 2008
HAD another baby scare whilst shopping in Chinatown with Wy Men today.I thought I LOST my Metrocard AGAIN! *phew*
At the bus station, after searching for the UMPTEENTH time fiddling with my messy handbag trying my LUCK, I finally found that pesky lil flimsy card stuck to the back of my NYU ID. This was after like 15 minutes of searching my handbag inside Citibank and then retracing our steps back into the restaurant where we had lunch today =P
Wy Men was pretty obliging the whole time. He's super sweet la. Quite funny also ... when we were going on about one issue in particular ;P Also, it turns out we both went through the same dreadful depressing experience of home-sickness after leaving home at the fragile age of 14-15 to pursue our studies overseas ;)
Back to that now no-more-missing card! You cannot guess how ecstatic I was - ever since I lost my previous one which set me back USD$ 80.
Thankfully, thanks to the gang, they told me that I could get a refund if I paid with my credit card.
I'm so glad I did ! =)
*aiyorrr* seriously, I only had like 4 hours of sleep last night.
Studied til 5am.
Then my housemate came back semi-drunk and we hung out for awhile.
Rough-housed and ate his big jar of cashews =)
Then I dragged my sad arse back to my room to study =) how's that for discipline? =P
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7:36 AM;;
I still think red hair and the short bob does not suit me.
Yeah...call me vain-pot.